Adam and Georgette who have been together for about 25 years. Sex is not satisfying for either one of them and therefore they decided to see a sex therapist. During the first session they were asked what they thought was wrong. The man said that because his partner always seems reluctant to have sex when she does accept to be intimate he tries to get it over and done with as soon as possible. This is why he kisses her and immediately goes for penetration and, subsequently ejaculation. When Georgette heard this she was shocked as she did not look forward to sex as she thought that Adam was very selfish and was only after his own release while she wanted to spend more time together before penetration took place.
Couples tend to believe that just because they spent a long time together and have been in the relationship with the other person for a long time they know them well enough to know what the other person is thinking. Sometimes people try and understand what their partner expects from them during a sexual encounter instead of actually asking them. Most probably this is because they do not feel comfortable bringing up the subject so it is easier to assume what the partner likes and wants. Some people would rather discuss their sex life with their friends than with the person they are being intimate with. This means that they will then take their friends’ ideas and expectations to their own intimacy without checking them out with their partner. This leads to their partner being subjected to what the friends’ might want from sex and what magazines say men/women like and want in bed.
In the next blog we will discuss practical ways of communicating.
– Matthew Bartolo is a counsellor specialising in Sex & Relationships. He offers counselling to both individuals and couples, and runs the sex education services within Willingness. He can be contacted on firstname.lastname@example.org.