My child self harms!

It can be shocking and frightening to find out that your child self-harms. Maybe you found out through one of their friends, or they told you themselves. The first reaction would be to get upset and angry at your child for hurting themselves, this reaction stems from fear that this harming might be a sign of suicidal intent… or that it may lead to suicide. However, this type of reaction can only lead to the child closing in on themselves, and not feel safe to open up to you.

Child Self-harm Early Intervention: What Parents Should Do & Avoid

Here are some things to do, and some things to avoid:

1) Understanding Non-Suicidal Self-Injury in Children & Adolescents

Non-suicidal self-injury is not attention-seeking but an attempt to regulate overwhelming emotional experiences effectively. Additionally, children may use self-harm as a hidden language to communicate pain when words feel insufficient or unavailable. Consequently, recognising this behaviour as emotional regulation rather than manipulation allows parents to respond with empathy and appropriate support. Ultimately, understanding the underlying emotions behind self-harm empowers families to create safer, supportive environments that encourage healthier coping strategies.

2) Managing Your Stress Levels & Coping with Difficult Emotions

According to research, seeking help allows parents to strengthen emotional stability and provide effective support for struggling children. Additionally, professional guidance equips parents with practical strategies for handling challenging situations and modelling resilience. Consequently, children observing calm, supportive behaviour learn healthier coping mechanisms and feel safer expressing difficult emotions. Furthermore, building a strong support network reassures children that their struggles are not faced alone. Importantly, addressing personal stress helps parents remain compassionate and patient when guiding their children. Ultimately, becoming a positive role model fosters trust, resilience, and improved emotional wellbeing within the family unit.

3) Child Self-harm Early Intervention: Having Direct & Supportive Conversations

In addition, direct confrontations about self-harm might increase resistance and create unnecessary conflict between parent and child. Additionally, attempts to persuade children against self-harming behaviours may unintentionally minimise their feelings and worsen emotional struggles. Consequently, these discussions could escalate tension, leading to greater withdrawal and secrecy from the child. Furthermore, children may feel misunderstood, reducing openness and willingness to seek future parental support. Importantly, adopting a calm, empathetic approach encourages more constructive dialogue and trust. Ultimately, supportive communication fosters healthier coping strategies and strengthens the parent-child relationship during difficult times.

4) Child Self-harm Early Intervention: Making Efforts to Connect with Your Child

Moreover, sharing hobbies with your child strengthens bonds and creates opportunities for meaningful emotional connection. Additionally, engaging in enjoyable activities together provides comfort and reassurance during stressful or challenging times. Consequently, these shared experiences foster trust, helping children feel safe opening up about difficult emotions. Furthermore, time spent together demonstrates unconditional support, reinforcing a child’s sense of being valued. Importantly, consistent connection encourages healthier coping mechanisms and reduces reliance on harmful behaviours. Similarly, shared moments can serve as protective factors against emotional distress. Ultimately, prioritising connection builds resilience and strengthens the parent-child relationship over time.

5) Promoting Exercise as a Healthy Outlet for Children

Another way to help is starting physical activities like cycling together can improve both physical health and emotional wellbeing for children significantly. Additionally, morning jogs with your child provide opportunities for connection while promoting resilience against stress and negative emotions. Consequently, regular exercise strengthens coping abilities, helping children manage overwhelming feelings in healthier and more constructive ways. Ultimately, engaging in physical activity together reinforces trust, strengthens bonds, and encourages long-term positive lifestyle habits in children.

A Quick Heads Up

At one point, when children stop self-injuring, they may become more irritable as they adjust emotionally. Additionally, they might adopt other negative coping behaviours, including overeating or undereating, during this transition period. Consequently, such reactions are normal, reflecting the child’s efforts to manage overwhelming emotions in alternative ways. Furthermore, these behaviours highlight the ongoing challenges of finding healthy coping mechanisms after abandoning self-harm. Importantly, parents should respond with patience, empathy, and consistent encouragement throughout this process. Similarly, recognising even small progress reinforces children’s confidence in their ability to change. Ultimately, appreciating positive steps helps children build resilience and strengthen healthier emotional coping strategies.

Final Thoughts

To wrap things up, parents must approach child self-harm with compassion, patience, and understanding to nurture healing and strengthen trust. Additionally, recognising early warning signs empowers parents to intervene effectively and provide timely support before behaviours escalate into serious harm. Consequently, creating a safe, non-judgemental environment encourages children to express emotions openly and seek guidance without fear. Ultimately, offering love, reassurance, and consistent support helps children develop resilience, healthier coping strategies, and improved emotional wellbeing over time.

Child Self-harm Early Intervention: Written by Mel McElhatton

Mel McElhatton holds a degree in Social Work from the University of Malta. With Willingness, Mel does life coaching and is one of the facilitators in the IRL – In Real Life team. They are also the producer of the radio show Niddiskutu s-Sess. They can be contacted on mel@willingness.com.mt or call us on 79291817.