Helping Kids Regulate Their Emotions

Children feel emotions as strongly as adults, but they often struggle to understand or control them. Managing emotions is a key life skill that helps kids grow into happy, confident, and resilient individuals. From frustration over a toy to anxiety before a school event, children experience a wide range of emotions. Managing these feelings helps kids cope with stress and plays a significant role in their social development and overall mental well-being.

Emotional regulation refers to recognising, understanding, and managing one’s emotional experiences. Learning this skill is vital for children’s emotional and psychological development. Children who regulate their emotions are more likely to form healthy relationships, perform academically, and demonstrate resilience in adversity.

Self-Awareness and its role in Emotional Regulation

One key aspect of emotional regulation is self-awareness. Research suggests that children with a strong sense of emotional awareness can better recognise when they are becoming upset and utilise coping strategies to calm down. Without these skills, children may resort to impulsive behaviours, such as aggression or withdrawal, disrupting their social interactions and emotional well-being. The good news is that emotional regulation is a skill that can be taught and practised, just like learning to ride a bike.

Strategies for Kids Regarding Emotional Regulation

As a life coach, I’d like to share some simple yet effective ways parents and caregivers can help children regulate their emotions. These five tips are based on practical strategies that anyone can apply.

1. Be a Role Model

Children learn by observing the behaviour of adults, especially their parents and caregivers. Parents can teach children how to regulate their emotions effectively by modelling calm and constructive responses to stress. According to Bandura (1977), children are likelier to adopt behaviours they observe in others, particularly when those behaviours lead to positive outcomes.

For example, if you’re stuck in traffic and feeling frustrated, you might say, “I’m feeling annoyed because we’re running late, but I’m taking deep breaths to stay calm.” By showing your child how you manage your emotions, you teach them valuable coping skills.

2. Teach Them to Name Their Feelings

Young children often don’t have the words to explain how they feel. Helping them name their emotions is a big step toward understanding and managing those feelings. Studies show that children who can label their emotions are better equipped to manage them (Denham, 2007). For younger children, this can be achieved by using simple words such as “happy,” “angry,” or “sad.” As children grow older, they can be introduced to more complex emotions like “frustrated” or “embarrassed.”

For example, if your child is upset because their toy broke, you might say, “It looks like you’re feeling sad and frustrated. That’s okay.” By expanding their emotional vocabulary, children gain the tools to express their feelings in a healthy way rather than resorting to acting out.

3. Help Them Reframe Situations

Sometimes, kids need help seeing a situation from a different angle. This is called reframing. For example, if your child is upset about losing a game, you could say, “I know it’s disappointing, but you played well and had fun. That’s what matters most.” Reframing teaches kids to focus on the positive and not get stuck in negative feelings.

Known as cognitive reframing, this involves changing the way children interpret a situation to manage their emotional reactions. For instance, if a child is upset because they didn’t win a game, a parent can help them reframe the experience by focusing on what they learned or how much fun they had rather than the negative outcome. Research by Garber (2006) suggests that teaching children to reframe negative thoughts helps reduce emotional distress and fosters adaptive coping strategies.

4. Practice Calm-Down Techniques

When emotions run high, kids need tools to calm down. Simple strategies like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or squeezing a stress ball can make a big difference. You can guide younger children by saying, “Let’s take three big breaths together to feel calmer.” Practising these techniques when your child is calm helps them remember to use them when upset.

5. Praise Their Efforts

Encouraging children when they successfully manage their emotions reinforces positive behaviour. Depending on the child’s age and preferences, positive reinforcement can be verbal praise, stickers, or extra playtime. Research shows that children reinforced for using appropriate emotional regulation strategies are more likely to repeat those behaviours in the future (Eisenberg & Spinrad, 2004).

For example, if your child takes a deep breath instead of yelling, you might say, “I’m proud of how you handled that. Taking a breath was a great choice.” Reinforcement boosts a child’s self-esteem and motivates them to continue developing their emotional regulation skills.

Final Thoughts

Helping kids regulate their emotions takes time and patience, but it’s one of the most valuable gifts you can give them. As research suggests, the benefits of emotional regulation extend beyond childhood, fostering healthier relationships, better academic performance, and greater overall life satisfaction (Gross, 2002; Eisenberg & Spinrad, 2004).

Remember, it’s not about expecting perfection. Even adults struggle with emotions sometimes! Creating a supportive environment where your child feels safe to learn and grow is what matters. As a life coach, I’ve seen how these simple strategies can make a big difference. Teaching kids to understand and manage their emotions sets them up for a lifetime of success and happiness. Start small, be consistent, and watch your child thrive.

If you think you can benefit from professional support on this issue, you can reach out here.

Christine Fava is an integrative coach at Willingness. She graduated from the University of Malta with an Honours degree in Psychology and is currently pursuing an ICF Diploma in Integrative Coaching. She is passionate about integrative coaching, believing it helps individuals achieve their personal and professional goals by addressing topics like confidence, relationships, time management, and stress management.

References

Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Prentice-Hall.

Denham, S. A. (2007). The emotional development of young children: Building an emotional foundation for school readiness. The Guilford Press.

Eisenberg, N., & Spinrad, T. L. (2004). Emotion-related regulation: Its role in moral development and adjustment. Annual Review of Psychology, 55, 271–301. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.55.090902.141003

Garber, J. (2006). Cognitive vulnerabilities to depression in childhood and adolescence. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15(1), 1–5. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0963-7214.2006.00394.x

Gross, J. J. (2002). Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences. Psychophysiology, 39(3), 281–291. https://doi.org/10.1017.S0048577201393198

Gross, J. J., & Munoz, R. F. (1995). Emotion regulation and mental health. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 2(2), 151–164. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2850.1995.tb00036.x

Zinsser, K. M., Weissberg, R. P., & Resnik, H. (2013). Building academic success on social and emotional learning: What does the research say? Teachers College Press.