Sex is playful time between adults. When we are in that special intimate space, we go back to our most basic needs and our most basic instincts. If a couple has the ability to create such a safe space, where everyone can feel playful and free, sex can be much more pleasurable and intimate.

Am I being replaced?!

The fear of being replaced is often the main concern for someone who’s partner has purchased a sex toy or has mentioned interest in buying and using a sex toy. There is, definitely, no replacement for live human contact. Sex toys are merely sexual enhancement to improve your sex life together.

5 ways sex toys can help you become more intimate:

  1. Getting you talking. Going online to search for toys, or visiting a shop together, and having a discussion, can be very sexy and can teach you a lot about each other’s sexuality. Visiting an online shop can make it easier the first time round, as it gives you and your partner more privacy to discuss what you like and don’t like, and what you are interested in trying.
  2. Getting you vibing together. Use the toys on each other’s body. The vibrations can stimulate, literally, any part of one’s body, male or female. Toys do not have to be used solely for penetration. There is a common misconception, that sex toys are used for solo time only; all sex toys can be used on each other, in fact some are specifically designed to be handled by one’s partner. Some sex toys are also designed to enhance the experience for both, simultaneously.
  3. Getting warmed up. Sex toys allow for more focus on foreplay. This makes sex last longer and creates more anticipation which creates stronger orgasms. Couples who use sex toys get out of the performance mode, and go into the pleasure mode. Sex toys can also help men who suffer from pre-mature ejaculation, as they can get their partner going without getting overly excited themselves.
  4. Getting her to Ohhhgasm. Toys can be used during orgasm to give a more intense feeling. They can also help with stimulation for women who do not orgasm vaginally but need clitoral stimulation during penetration.
  5. Getting all the senses tied in. Including all the senses by using chocolate, candles, lube, wax and toys, enhances, literally, all the five senses. This makes sex a more pleasurable and intense experience for both.

Don’t  forget!

What’s important is that we keep consent in mind. Purchasing a sex toy should not add any pressure to your or your partner that you should make use of it, or make use of it every time you have sex. Luckily, there are many sex toy options available, some cheaper than others, to suit whatever you and your partner are comfortable to try and interested in using to spice up your sex life. It is important to choose the right time to introduce the idea of involving sex toys in your sex life. Offer reassurance to your partner, that nothing can replace the human touch, sex toys are simply there for enhancing the intimacy and pleasure for both.

Matthew Bartolo is the founding member of the Willingness Team.  He is a counsellor, sex therapist and business mentor.