Some relationships can feel just like a beloved item of clothing. The top or trousers that fit your body perfectly. That one item that seems to go with anything and the one you always get compliments on. Other relationships may look good at first glance but then don’t fit well enough or don’t fit at all. Similarly to choosing clothes, we may sometimes choose a partner that does not feel like the perfect fit but our hope that it would someday fit us better, keeps us holding on to it. We may at times become aware that even though time has passed and some things have changed for the better, the relationship still doesn’t fit well enough and we would either need to come to terms with it or pursue a relationship with someone who is a better fit.
What makes a couple fit well together?
There are different theories about love and romantic relationships, but the most common factors that are highlighted for a fulfilling relationship are: intimacy, passion, commitment, shared values, shared level of intellectual and emotional intelligence, common interests and shared future goals. Some theorists believe that the more factors there are, the better the fit would be. Others believe that you would know whether you have the right fit with your partner or not because of your gut feeling. This innate, visceral feeling that guides us about what is right and wrong. Sometimes, the gut feeling cannot be paired with a clear, logical explanation but the feeling of certainty that comes with it may be very important.
In the second part of this blog we shall be exploring what one needs to take into account when considering whether someone is a good fit for you.
Claire Borg is a gestalt psychotherapist at Willingness. She works with adolescents and adults. She has a special interest in mental health. She can be contacted on claire@willingness.com.mt or call us on 79291817.