Falling in love is easy; it’s something new which makes you feel excited and passionate. The issue is staying in love which is a completely different matter altogether. The word ‘forever’ can seem like a pretty long time when the spark starts dwindling between you and your partner. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship can admit that relationships go through highs and lows, intimate and cold times. It might be difficult for you to accept but these phases are a natural part of being in a relationship.
In fact, the question of how do you reignite your relationship is the most common question Terri Orbuch, couple’s therapist, is asked the most. This is because all couples can struggle with experiencing a withering relationship and wanting to cut ties with their partner for good. That’s why this blog is here to show you how you can reignite the spark back into your relationship, and fall in love with your partner all over again.
The following are a few helpful tips to help you get your spark back;
- Bring back intimacy – Intimacy isn’t just about having a physical connection with your partner. It’s also about having an emotional connection which brings you close to them. Intimacy is an important part of being a relationship and when the spark is gone, intimacy is the first to be gone along with it. Schedule in some alone time with your partner where you can share a secret you’ve never said before or even simply remind your partner how you feel about them.
- Praise one another – It is essential to praise or thank your partner whenever they need to hear it. Depending on your personality, you may find it easy or hard to praise them but it is important that they are praised and made to feel supported. Let them know that you are thankful for all that they do, you are proud of them and that you love them.
- Go on date nights – In the beginning of every relationship, date nights are essential to get to know each other. However, as you become comfortable with one another, date nights begin to decrease. You no longer feel the need to make an effort to plan a date night and end up spending your days always inside. So, once a month, take it in turns to plan a date for each other. Try out a different restaurant each time, go watch a movie or simply plan a picnic in the countryside where you can be alone.
- Be playful – With both partners having a busy work schedule, having financial burdens or simply being busy taking care of the kids, it can leave them forgetting how to have fun. Terri Orbuch emphasised the importance of relationships being all about having fun with one another. Plan a weekend break away from home, go on a treasure hunt or have a water gun fight with your significant other. Do whatever it takes for you both to have fun and be playful.
- Try something new together – Relationships can at times lose their spark because couples become comfortable in their same old routine. This might mean that you begin taking each other for granted and you no longer make an effort to do new things with one another. Therefore, simply find a new activity to do together, like starting a new sport or a new series.
If a spark is all that you’re missing then try any of the above tips to bring it back. If none of the above work but you still don’t want to give up on your relationship then try couple’s therapy. It can help to have an objective view on the relationship to better understand it and work through issues together.
Mandy is a Gestalt psychotherapist who enjoys working therapeutically with adults on various issues. These include general mental health and wellbeing. She also has experience working with anxiety, victims of domestic violence and eating disorders.
- Stillman Berger, S. (2019). Love 101: How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship. Retrieved from https://hellorelish.com/articles/how-to-get-the-spark-back-relationship.html
- Tartakovsky, M. (2011). 6 Simple Ways to Reignite Your Relationship. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-simple-ways-to-reignite-your-relationship#1
- Orbuch, T. (n.d). Dr. Terri Orbuch’s Top Tips for Keeping Your Partner Happy. Retrieved from https://www.coveyclub.com/blog_posts/terri-orbuch-keep-your-partner-happy/