The Role of Therapy in Healing from Infidelity
Becoming aware of infidelity in your relationship can be challenging. Whether you choose to stay and work things out or decide to break up and go separate ways, it is possible to heal yourself from the experience of infidelity and even heal the relationship if both partners commit to putting in the work. In this blog, we will explore the role of therapy in healing from infidelity.
The initial reaction after finding out that there was infidelity is usually shock. Nothing feels like it was anymore. You might question whether you even know your partner now. The willingness to confront the truth and the complex emotions that come with it is part of the healing journey, as well as patience and dedication to the often painful and complex healing process.
Individual therapy or couples therapy?
When thinking of getting professional support in the form of therapy, you might wonder what might be most beneficial, individual or couple therapy. There is no right or wrong path here:
Individual therapy offers a space in which healing and personal growth can happen by addressing insecurities and processing the emotions surrounding infidelity. In a non-judgmental way, the counsellor/therapist can give support in seeing the situation from different perspectives. The betrayed partner can benefit from individual therapy to process the potentially traumatic experience of being cheated on. The unfaithful partner can benefit from individual therapy to confront the actions taken and the impact of these.
Couples therapy offers a space in which both partners find support in expressing their feelings, understanding any underlying issues, and working towards healing and changing the relationship for the better. With open communication, a willingness to understand the partner better, and a commitment to rebuild trust, a couple can become even stronger after infidelity. Both partners need to put in the work.
Depending on the situation, it might be beneficial to have individual therapy sessions first to process the personal feelings and decide whether to stay or leave the relationship. Once both partners are willing to face one another again, proceed with couple sessions to bring both healing journeys together.
Understanding the “Why” and working through the emotions
“Why has this happened to me?” or “Why is my partner doing this to me?” are questions that come to mind after finding out about infidelity. There can be many underlying reasons, like lack of communication and unmet needs, dissatisfaction and emotional disconnection, feeling neglected or low self-esteem. Understanding the root causes of infidelity in your relationship is vital so problems can be solved. In therapy, both partners can re-discover their self-worth and value and work through the issues in their connection.
Infidelity comes with broken trust and emotional hurt. In therapy, the betrayed partner finds space to express the pain and anger and to ask unanswered questions. The unfaithful partner finds space to explain their behaviour and feelings such as shame and guilt, and anger towards themselves.
Both partners get to grief the loss of trust in their relationship in a safe therapeutic space in which the counsellor/therapist gives guidance for effective communication as a foundation for healing.
Therapy sessions might include exercises to enhance sharing feelings, practice forgiveness, and foster closeness and emotional intimacy.
Moving forward
Part of the healing journey can be learning to trust again and being a trustworthy partner again. Therapy focuses on re-committing to one another and aligning words and actions with values. A new narrative can be created for the relationship rather than focusing on infidelity as the end of it. Based on deeper mutual understanding, a stronger bond can be developed over time, leading to a more fulfilling relationship.
Therapy can help establish clear boundaries to prevent future infidelity. Moving forward does not mean returning to what was but creating a new foundation together.
If both partners agree to end the relationship, therapy helps with leaving things in a friendly and respectful way.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue, you can reach out here.
Franziska Richter is a transcultural counsellor with the Willingness Team, offering counselling sessions to individuals and couples. She is particularly interested in sexuality, relationship issues, trauma and general mental health.
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