How Childhood Experiences Shape Our Perception of Others
From our earliest years, our interactions and relationships lay the groundwork for how we perceive others. Our childhood experiences, especially early attachments and family dynamics, significantly shape our understanding of people and social situations, often influencing our adult interactions and perceptions. Attachment theory posits that early caregiver relationships create internalised expectations about others that we carry forward, affecting trust and intimacy (Bowlby, 1988).
Childhood experiences
Primary caregivers—parents, grandparents, and close family members—are the people children first build emotional bonds with. These early attachments set expectations for future relationships and often shape our comfort levels in connecting with others. For instance, children with secure attachments generally develop trust in others, feeling more at ease in social situations. In contrast, children with insecure or anxious attachments, often resulting from inconsistent caregiving, may approach relationships with suspicion or fear of rejection (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 2015). These attachment styles and learned responses to people can create patterns that persist into adulthood, influencing how we evaluate and respond to others.
The family environment also significantly impacts our perception of others. Supportive, communicative families help foster openness, acceptance, and empathy (Davies, 2011). In such environments, children learn to view others positively as trustworthy and understanding. Conversely, high-conflict or emotionally distant family settings may lead children to approach relationships cautiously, expecting conflict or dismissiveness from others (Scharf & Rousseau, 2017). This dynamic can persist as children become adults, potentially affecting their social confidence, ability to manage conflict, and overall resilience.
Peers, too, play a vital role in childhood socialisation, especially as children grow older and gain independence from their families. Positive peer interactions can increase self-confidence and empathy, promoting positive social behaviours and reducing bias. On the other hand, negative peer experiences, such as bullying or rejection, may cultivate feelings of insecurity or distrust (Rubin, Bukowski, & Parker, 2006). Studies suggest that children who experience rejection in peer groups may develop defensiveness or heightened sensitivity to social cues, carrying these tendencies into adulthood.
How children are encouraged to view themselves also impacts their perception of others. Supported and valued children tend to develop positive self-worth, enabling them to view others more generously (Baldwin, 2006). In contrast, children who experience criticism or neglect often internalise these experiences, feeling undervalued, which may cause them to assume that others view them critically as well (Harter, 1999). This self-perception, shaped by early experiences, often informs whether we approach people with openness, hesitation, empathy, or judgment.
These formative experiences also influence how we interpret others’ intentions. For example, a child raised in a supportive environment may learn to see people as generally trustworthy, fostering optimism and approachability (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). By contrast, children raised in environments where trustworthiness is questioned, or people’s motives are scrutinised may become cautious or suspicious of others. Studies suggest these attitudes often unconsciously influence adult relationships and how we interpret others’ behaviour (Cassidy & Shaver, 2008).
Conclusion
Understanding how our childhood experiences shape our perception of others can help us work toward self-awareness and personal growth. By examining the roots of our perceptions, we can identify and adjust biases, allowing us to build more balanced, compassionate relationships (Siegel, 2012). This self-awareness empowers us to respond more openly to others, challenging ingrained assumptions and seeing people through a clearer, more empathetic lens.
While childhood experiences deeply shape our perception of others, they don’t have to define them entirely. With reflection and conscious effort, we can reshape these perceptions, build positive relationships, and approach others with resilience and understanding.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Abigail Church is a Humanistic Integrative Counsellor who works with adults and children through counselling with Willingness. She can be contacted on abigail@willingness.com.mt or call us on 79291817.
References:
- Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (2015). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology Press.
- Baldwin, M. W. (2006). Interpersonal cognition. Guilford Press.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
- Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P. R. (Eds.). (2008). Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Scharf, M., & Rousseau, S. (2017). “One Day I will Make a Good Parent”: On the Relationship Between Overparenting and Young Adults’ Early Parenting Representations. Journal for Adult Development. 24:199-209. DOI 10.1007/s10804-016-9258-1
- Davies, D. (2011). Child development: A practitioner’s guide (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Harter, S. (1999). The construction of the self: A developmental perspective. Guilford Press.
- Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.
- Rubin, K. H., Bukowski, W. M., & Parker, J. G. (2006). Handbook of peer interactions, relationships, and groups. Guilford Press.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
