The Balancing Act: Excelling as a Parent While Prioritizing Self-Care

Being a mom is incredibly rewarding! Watching my son immerse himself in his favourite activities, explore new things, and develop new skills brings me immense joy. However, let’s face it: parenting is tough! We aim to be the best role models for our children, but how often do we forget the importance of looking after ourselves?

We’re frequently reminded of the advice to “put on your oxygen mask first before assisting others.” Yet, in real-life situations, especially when our children need us, our instinct often pushes self-care to the back burner.

Social media can amplify this pressure, making us feel like we need to be constantly active and engaged, balancing relationships, careers, social lives, and parenting. As parents, we sometimes feel that putting our children’s needs first is the only way to be a good parent, even if it means neglecting our well-being.

Understanding Parenting Burnout

It’s normal for parents to feel exhausted, stressed, and frustrated occasionally. However, these usual feelings of fatigue and irritation can escalate into burnout without sufficient time to rest and recharge. Parental burnout is a state of chronic stress and exhaustion that parents may experience due to the relentless demands of raising children. Described as “an exhaustion syndrome,” parental burnout has three distinct aspects:

1. Extreme fatigue is associated with parenting and your responsibilities as a parent.
2. Experiencing emotional detachment from your children.
3. A feeling of inadequacy in your parenting skills, doubting your capability to parent effectively.

If you’re constantly tired, stressed, and worn out, your body signals that it’s time to slow down and care for yourself. Ignoring these signs can affect your health and your ability to parent effectively.

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional health allows you to be a better parent, a positive role model, and a healthier individual.

Finding Balance

Here are some practical tips for finding a balance between caring for your children and yourself:

• Establish Priorities: Develop a routine that balances family and personal time effectively.
• Prioritise Self-Care: Engage in activities you enjoy, whether a hobby, exercise or socializing with friends. Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Even short daily activities, like reading a book or walking, can make a big difference.
• Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion involves a consistent attitude of acceptance and kindness toward ourselves. 
• Embrace Individuality: Abandon the “cult of the perfect parent”. Don’t compare your parenting to others. What works for one family might not work for another. 
• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when feeling overwhelmed. Some examples include avoiding overscheduling, clearly defining your work hours, and communicating them with your employer. 
• Create/Find a Support Group: Connect with your partner, friends, or other parents to share experiences and advice, which can be invaluable. Support groups offer a space for parents to discuss the challenges, emotions, and practicalities they face daily with others who understand.
• Prioritizing downtime for parents: Be creative in finding ways to spend quality time with your partner. Discuss ways in which you and your partner can create positive co-parenting experiences.
• Incorporate Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practices like mindfulness, deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help reduce stress and improve your mental health. Try to integrate these into your daily routine, even if just for a few minutes.
• Set a Positive Example: Children closely observe their parents’ behaviours and often mirror them in their own actions. By prioritizing self-care, you teach your children the importance of maintaining their own well-being, a valuable lesson they will carry with them.

Embracing the Journey

Parenting is a continuous journey of growth and change for both you and your children. Be gentle with yourself and cherish the experience. By caring for your own needs, you teach your kids the importance of self-care—a lesson that will benefit them throughout their lives.

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Christine Fava is an integrative coach at Willingness. She graduated from the University of Malta with an Honours degree in Psychology and is currently pursuing an ICF Diploma in Integrative Coaching. She is passionate about integrative coaching, believing it helps individuals achieve their personal and professional goals by addressing topics like confidence, relationships, time management, and stress management.

References

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.

Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive. Guilford Publications.

Smith, J. (2021). The Culture of Busyness: How Our Addiction to Doing Affects Our Well-Being. Journal of Mental Health, 30(2), 123-131.