Mother’s day can bring a long with it a myriad feelings and it is a very subjective experience. This is because it mostly depends on the relationship you have with your mother or any maternal figure that you have. Unfortunately, death is part of the cycle of life and as we are aware, some of us has lost our mothers; be it at a young or old age. Their loss can be due to various reasons, be it illness, accidents etc. In our society, we dedicate a specific day in the year to celebrate our mothers figure; mostly their nurturance, love, care and relationship. However, it is not as easy for everyone; especially if you have a deceased mother. This specific day, brings along with it various feelings, emotions and memories, remembering your mother who passed away.
Keeping the loved one alive
Even though you cannot physically see your mother any more, you still have many memories with her close to your mind and heart. She has taught you her values and way of life, which is something you can keep alive by practicing it daily. One suggested tip is on how to keep your memories alive, is by going through photos and reminiscing about how her hair looked, how she smiled, how she cried, maybe even recalling her voice. I encourage you to remember all the memories you shared together; the sad events, the happy moments, the proud moments, the sacrifices. Rather tha yearning for them, which can be a part of the process of losing a parent, try and keep their memory alive; honour their values. This will help you feel connected with them more than you imagine, especially on this day.
Communicating with the loved one
You might think, how can one communicate with someone who is not physically present? Communication can be done in various ways, such as addressing a letter to your mother; telling her what you wish to tell her at that moment. It can also be through writing a poem, that helps you feel connected to your mother. Or else, simply through an activity that you enjoyed doing together, and you speak to her as if she were there, right next to you. Research shows that people find it useful to tell the deceased person; what they have been up to, where they wish to head and what been mostly on their mind.
Of course, we are still human and all of this can instil emotional pain within us as we remember how much we miss our mother. It is advised to go through the pain and allow oneself to miss this person, as it helps the person grieve and process that their mother, is no longer present. Rather, we hold on to the memories we already have and hold them dearly and be glad that we were lucky enough to know them. In conclusion, it is totally normal to feel sad on mother’s day, however there are some ways that can help you turn this sadness into something positive; simply by honouring their presence in your life, both before they passed away and after.
Danica Cassar has recently graduated in Bachelor of Psychology. She works as a triage officer at Willingness. You can contact her on danica@willingness.com.mt or call us on 79291817.