During the past year, we were definitely more in touch with the fear of loss due to the Covid-19 death rate and unfortunately, people have lost their battle against this horrific virus. Maybe some of you, who are reading this Blog have lost someone close to you or someone you know. Unfortunately, a few might have lost their father. Whether it is due to Covid-19 or for some other reason, losing a parent to death is definitely one of the hardest things that one can face.
Soon it will be father’s day and if you lost your father lately or years ago, it will feel like spilling salt on an open wound. All the shops, adverts, TV programmes and the social media will be about commemorating father’s day. For those who lost their father it will be tough to read through these promos or to read the posts that others will be uploading such as; sharing a photo with their father or sending their best regards to their dad. The truth is that the pain won’t make your father come back but it is ok to grieve and to acknowledge this pain. When we lose someone to death, it’s ok not to agree with those who will tell you ‘Kuraġġ, iż-żmien jtaffi l-uġigħ!’ (stay strong, time will heal your wounds) cause it is very difficult to say that time will heal your wounds. How can you feel better if you lost a very significant person in your life? I simply tell you, grief is a process which every person will go through at some point in their life, so find time to acknowledge your pain and give yourself time to live through this grieving process. People need different time to go through this process. The bereavement or the grieving process can take up to 2 years from the loss of the significant person.
But what can I do if I lost my father and soon it’s Father’s day?
- Remembering the person and treasure the memories of the time spent together can be one of the things that can be done
- Avoiding talking about your father will not make you forget so you might wish to share your thoughts with those around you and maybe with other family members, like siblings, who might be feeling the same way as you do
- Look at photographs or videos to remember your father and,
- If you feel like, visit his grave and honour your deceased father
- If you did not do a closure with your father, maybe due to the pandemic restrictions or for some other reason, writing a letter to your father can help you have that feeling of closure
Finally, remember, your father’s love will forever be imprinted in your heart, and that none can take away from you, not even death itself!
Rachel Osmond is a Family Therapist with Willingness who works with individuals, couples and families. She also has experience with children and adolescents.