Why It’s Okay to Choose a Life Without Kids
“When are you going to have kids?” Many of us have heard this question from our parents who wish to become grandparents or even friends of the same age who want to exchange parenting tips. But what if we don’t see ourselves having kids?
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There is a common idea that everyone will have kids one day and that once we are in a long-term relationship and find a suitable partner, that would always be the next step, right? Not having children is not in line with specific cultural, religious and often family beliefs; it is not “normal”. This can be challenging for those who choose a child-free life.
Childless vs child-free
Historically, couples with no kids have been referred to as “childless”, which suggests something that should be there is missing. This works for people who wish to have children but are unable to conceive due to medical factors, for example.
Since the early 1900s, the term “child-free” has been used more often, especially since the 1970s when feminists stood up for the choice not to have children – it suggests the possibility of voluntary childlessness.
Reasons to choose a life without kids
Reasons for a child-free life are diverse – from personal to political; here are some of the most common ones:
- Personal reasons
Individuals who struggle with their physical health and potential chronic conditions or mental health conditions might think twice about whether they wish to inherit these. Females who already experience painful periods and other issues with their reproductive system might have a fear of pregnancy. Any condition, whether physical or mental health-related, can already feel overwhelming, let alone the thought of adding kids to take care of in daily life.
- Environmental reasons
The planet is overcrowded, and so are different countries like Malta. With climate changes and natural catastrophes, including a recent global pandemic, individuals might question what life on Earth will look like for their kids and, therefore, choose not to have any.
Other Potential Factors that Solidify the Childfree Lifestyle Decision
- Financial reasons
With increasing costs of living and during years of inflation, everything is expensive. And it is well-known that raising kids is costly, too. The choice not to have any can be due to financial concerns.
The list goes on. Other reasons include not having emotional and practical support to raise kids and wanting to break dysfunctional family dynamics.
Living child-free by choice – What does it mean?
Not having kids is a lifestyle decision, just like having kids.
Choosing a life without kids means not having dependants, which brings the freedom to do what you want when you want it – without considering how this will impact the offspring. A child-free life comes with opportunities to travel outside of school holidays spontaneously. Many women find relief and enjoyment in not having children as this opens up time for themselves and energy for other things such as learning new things, nurturing friendships and relationships, and exploring opportunities that might not be available to the same extent to mothers, especially career-wise.
Individuals who choose a child-free life often face criticism from their families and friends, possibly colleagues, and even strangers. However, acceptance grows toward individuals choosing a path without children and away from the traditional role of a parent.
Conclusion
Living a child-free life includes the natural questioning of whether there might be regret about not having kids in the future. Doubts may arise given our societal norms, expectations and pressure. The choice to live a child-free life is personal and entirely acceptable – based on whatever reason it is made. Reflecting on personal values and goals can help determine whether a life without kids can be fulfilling.
If you want to find out more, search for #childfree or #childfreebychoice on your social media profiles. Some cities have started to create child-free communities as choosing a child-free life becomes increasingly common and can be embraced and celebrated as much as the choice to have kids.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue, you can reach out here.
Franziska Richter is a transcultural counsellor with the Willingness Team, offering counselling sessions to individuals and couples. She is particularly interested in sexuality, relationship issues, trauma and general mental health.
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