Having a child who is questioning or exploring their gender identity can be challenging for any parent or caregiver. You might feel at a loss about how to go through this experience. You are also trying to come to terms with what is happening. Understanding how to support your child is crucial, not only for the child but also for you as a parent. You might need support as you process the many feelings that come up as a result of this complex experience. This blog will provide information and support about how you can support a child who might be exploring their gender identity.
Gender identity is our own innate experience of our gender. Many people might never question their gender identity. Who they feel they are naturally aligns with the body they were born into. However, it is also normal for children to question their gender identity quite early in their life. They start to understand where they might fit in the spectrum of gender. As they continue developing, most children’s self-identified gender remains stable. For some, this might change into wanting to present as a different gender. This process might involve experimenting with their look and dress to match who they feel they are inside. It might also look like refusing to play with toys typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth.
At the onset of puberty, children start experiencing bodily changes. These include the growth of facial and body hair, deepening of the voice, enlargement of the breasts, and menstruation. For children exploring their gender identity, this might be a very stressful experience. This might be the point where gender-diverse youth start experiencing dysphoria. Dysphoria can be described as feelings of discomfort or distress due to the mismatch between one’s sex at birth and their self-identified gender. A teenager exploring their gender identity may start experimenting with choosing a different name and using a different set of pronouns.
Being a parent to a child or teenager going through this experience can be scary and confusing. It is important to note that support is available to both parents and children/youth who are navigating gender identity exploration.
Children thrive when they live in environments where they are supported and loved as they are. As a parent of a child exploring their gender identity, create a safe environment for your child to discuss themes and topics related to gender. Allow them to ask questions they might have around these topics. Respectfully, you can also ask them questions related to their experience.
Seek out resources and communities that support gender-diverse children and youth. Show your child that such people exist and can go on to live a happy and healthy life.
Be mindful of your child’s mental health, as some children experiencing gender identity issues might show signs of poor mental health. In such cases, consult with a professional specialized in the care of gender-diverse children to support your child.
Lastly, seek support for yourself as a parent caring for a gender-diverse child. You need your own space and time to process your concerns and ask any questions you might have about this process.
Willingness, along with other partnered organisations, has released a free guidance tool for parents and educators of gender-diverse children. This easily accessible Digital Tool combines instructional resources, interactive modules, and professional guidance. It is now accessible.
Pamela Borg is a counsellor who enjoys working therapeutically with adults experiencing various issues. These include general mental health and wellbeing, gender, sexuality, relationship issues.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
References:
Canadian Paediatric Society (2023). Gender Identity. Retrieved from: https://caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/behavior-and-development/gender-identity
Garey, J. & Woodward, E.C. (2024). How to Support Kids Who Are Questioning. Retrieved from: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-support-kids-who-are-questioning/