I Suddenly Have Two Mothers

Accepting the new mother in your life involves mourning the loss of a father while embracing evolving family identities. Understanding this transition raises questions like whether she remains your dad, what to call her, and how to adapt. Navigating such uncertainty encourages you to reflect on masculinity, redefine parental roles, and seek meaningful guidance from supportive relationships.

Zigzag through Change When Facing Bullying & Discrimination

However, many children with trans parents face bullying and discrimination, leading them to hide their parent’s gender identity. Moreover, the minority stress model explains that belonging to a minority group often causes significant psychological stress. Consequently, such stress arises from external discrimination and internal fears, regardless of whether discrimination occurs in reality. Additionally, this distress can affect the children of trans parents through increased stressors impacting those close to them. Furthermore, stress proliferation describes how initial stress creates further challenges that ripple outward into relationships and family dynamics. Ultimately, inadequate parenting skills may also emerge under prolonged stress, further influencing the child’s emotional well-being and development.

Zigzag through Change by Embracing a Parent’s Transition

Despite all turbulence and hardship, a parent’s transition can be beneficial for numerous reasons impacting the whole family. Remaining closeted places transgender individuals at significantly higher suicide risk, emphasising the importance of living authentically and openly. Living an authentic life provides greater opportunity to focus on easing this transition for their family while offering support. Moreover, they demonstrate how to remain honest and embrace your true self even during difficult challenges and life struggles.

How can I deal with such a change?

1) Zigzag through Change While Remembering They Are Still Your Parent

Letting go of who was once your father is challenging, yet remembering they remain your parent can aid adjustment. Gender identity and sexuality may be fluid, even though individuals can sometimes experience them as consistent aspects of their lives. However, regardless of whether they are your mother or father, they remain your parent and offer valuable emotional support.

2) As Always, Communication Is Key to Healthy Relationships

Firstly, do not hesitate to ask how they wish to be referred to, showing respect and genuine care. Secondly, getting accustomed to your new mother may require patience as you adapt to changes within the family dynamic. Thirdly, it is essential that every family member remains understanding, supportive, and patient while navigating this significant life adjustment. Additionally, showing empathy and offering open communication can strengthen relationships and help everyone feel valued throughout the transition process. Finally, remember that mutual respect, patience, and consistent support form the foundation for successfully embracing new roles within your family.

3) Consider Joining a Support Group for Shared Understanding

However, feeling alone often makes it significantly harder for any person to effectively cope with stress during challenging life situations. Moreover, meeting other children of transgender parents can genuinely help you open up to individuals who understand your experiences more deeply. Consequently, sharing personal stories within such groups actively fosters mutual support, strengthens resilience, and encourages positive emotional growth during difficult circumstances.

4) Take Care of Yourself During Life’s Transitions

However, self-care is not simply taking a hot bath or enjoying wine after a particularly stressful week. Furthermore, it also means supporting yourself when life unexpectedly presents challenges you never anticipated facing in your journey. Consequently, attending therapy sessions can help you process emotions and accept significant changes happening in your personal life. Additionally, you might sometimes feel unable to share feelings at home without burdening your transgender parent unnecessarily. Therefore, therapy provides a private environment where your emotions can be expressed freely without fear of causing guilt. Ultimately, this supportive space allows you to release pent-up feelings and gradually rebuild emotional balance during difficult life transitions.

Final Thoughts on Zigzag through Change

Ultimately, embracing change within your family can strengthen relationships and encourage personal growth for everyone involved. Importantly, maintaining open communication helps address challenges early and ensures understanding between all family members during transitions. Additionally, seeking professional support or community resources can provide guidance and reassurance throughout these significant life changes. Finally, remembering shared love and mutual respect will help you navigate difficulties and emerge stronger together as a united family.

Zigzag through Change: Written by Luanne Grima

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Luanne Grima is a psychology graduate who works as a Childminder and Volunteer with Willingness. Luanne also forms part of the psycho-sexual education team at Sex Clinic Malta.

References

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Hewitt, J., 2016. When my father came out as transgender, the realisation that he was gone hit hard. The Guardian, Available at: <https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/08/when-my-father-came-out-as-transgender-the-realisation-that-he-was-gone-hit-hard>.

Imrie, S., Zadeh, S., Wylie, K. and Golombok, S., 2020. Children with trans parents: Parent–child relationship quality and psychological well-being. Parenting, pp.1-31. Available at: <https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15295192.2020.1792194>.

Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: Conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674–697. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.129.5.674

Pearlin, L. I. (1999). The stress process revisited: Reflections on concepts and their interrelationships. In C. S. Aneshensel & J. C. Phelan (Eds.), The handbook of the sociology of mental health (pp. 315–415). New York, NY: Kluwer Academic/Plenum Press.

Reese, T., 2019. Going from “daddy” to “mommy”: What will I tell my kids?. Family Equality, Available at: <https://www.familyequality.org/2019/10/02/going-from-daddy-to-mommy-what-will-i-tell-my-kids/>.

Wiepjes, C., den Heijer, M., Bremmer, M., Nota, N., Blok, C., Coumou, B. and Steensma, T., 2020. Trends in suicide death risk in transgender people: Results from the Amsterdam cohort of gender dysphoria study (1972–2017). Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 141(6), pp.486-491. Available at: <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7317390/>.