How to Actually Feel Your Feelings
1) How to Feel Your Feelings Without Overthinking
Many of us believe we are “processing” our emotions simply by thinking about them. We might analyse and eventually intellectualise what we’re experiencing. This often leads to getting stuck in our heads, relying on logic rather than connecting with our internal states. While reflection can be valuable, it may also serve as a way to avoid the discomfort and physical sensations that come with fully engaging in emotional experiences. Creating space for these responses and letting them exist without interference can bring greater clarity. When we meet our inner experiences with openness and curiosity, it becomes easier to identify and articulate them.
2) How to Feel Your Feelings Through Naming Emotions
Why naming emotions? Kashdan, Barrett, & McKnight (2015) explored the benefits of precisely naming negative emotions, instead of just saying “I feel bad”. This is called emotion differentiation and can enhance emotional regulation and psychological resilience.
3) How to Feel Your Feelings in Daily Life Examples
Imagine you’ve had a tough day at work. You come home and find yourself being snappy or dismissive toward your partner, assuming you’re just stressed or tired. But when you slow down and tune into your body, you may uncover a variety of emotions. Perhaps it’s resentment from not receiving credit for your work, guilt for missing a deadline, or disappointment or embarrassment after negative feedback. This is what emotion differentiation looks like in everyday life: instead of labelling everything as stress or exhaustion, you’re identifying the specific emotions you’re experiencing. Naming them accurately can help you respond more constructively—whether by setting a boundary, asking for support, or offering yourself compassion.
4) Avoidance Blocks How to Feel Your Feelings
When not practising emotion differentiation, we end up avoiding or suppressing unpleasant feelings: to do that, we may engage in impulsive or risky behaviours, like alcohol and drug use. Kashdan, Barrett, & McKnight suggest that developing a more nuanced vocabulary can be a protective factor for mental health.
5) Use the Emotions Wheel for Clarity
For those who struggle to find the right words, feelings wheels can be helpful. They organise emotions into categories, making it easier to identify which term best captures your experience.
6) Mindfulness Aids How to Feel Your Feelings
Another way to explore emotions is through mindfulness. To explore an emotion mindfully, begin by observing your physical sensations—notice whether your muscles are tense or relaxed, and how each part of your body responds. Alternatively, you might try to visualise the experience itself: what shape, colour, texture, or weight might it have? Where in your body does it seem to be located? These kinds of observations can lead to insights such as: “I’m noticing that my throat feels tight and my shoulders are tense. I sense sadness, and it seems like a grey cloud around my head.”
7) How to Feel Your Feelings with Flexibility
Where the Emotions Wheel can offer you concrete vocabulary, mindfulness can be more flexible. Whichever technique you decide to try, it’s important to remember: It’s not about being emotionally perfect—it’s about being emotionally fluent.
Written by Elena Marinopoulou
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Elena Marinopoulou is a Behaviour Analyst with the Willingness Team. She works with children and adults and has a strong interest in parent training, sleep and feeding issues emerging during childhood, as well as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
References:
Kashdan, T. B., Barrett, L. F., & McKnight, P. E. (2015). Unpacking emotion differentiation: Transforming unpleasant experience by perceiving distinctions in negativity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(1), 10–16. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414550708
Willcox, G. (1982). The Feeling Wheel.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.).
