Why You Shut Down in Conflict (And What to Do)

1) How to stop shutting down in conflict daily

There are going to be days when all you want to do is hide away and shut down when your partner, child, or friend brings up something important is very normal. Apart from being in a possibly frustrating scenario, being with someone who stays silent can feel incredibly lonely, leaving you trying to guess what might have gone wrong, and unsure of how best to proceed. 

2) Why we shut down in tough situations

Many reasons exist for shutting down during conflict. It’s often a self-coping response to emotional distress. The brain blocks emotion when overwhelmed by situations. This mimics the body’s freeze or flight response. Long-term shutdown may lead to anxiety or sadness. Still, it can offer short-term emotional protection.

3) How to stop shutting down in conflict with disorders

People with certain mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders are more likely to experience an emotional shutdown. This happens because for them it is more difficult to process and communicate emotions effectively and their need to withdraw intensifies. Societal and cultural variables also determine whether one shuts down emotionally or not.  Some cultures might view emotional display as a sign of weakness and, as a result, suppress their feelings. Sometimes, partners also shut down because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing and, consequently, feel an immense pressure to respond perfectly. 

4) Steps to spot shutdown signs and triggers

There are ways to handle emotional shutdowns effectively. Be aware when you begin shutting down emotionally. Watch for physical signs like heart rate or overwhelm. Identify root causes like unresolved issues or past trauma. Communicate openly using “I” statements to avoid blame. Take breaks if emotions rise to regain control. This helps prevent further conflict or escalation.

5) How to stop shutting down in conflict using mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness helps manage reactions during emotional shutdowns. It keeps you grounded in the present moment. Try deep breathing or meditation as mindfulness exercises. Relaxation from mindfulness supports clearer decision-making. Everyone handles emotional flooding in unique ways. Find what works best for you individually. Writing, walking, yoga, or music can also help.

Written by Johanna Cutajar

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Johanna Cutajar is a Master in Counselling graduate from the University of Malta. She works with children and adolescents as a counsellor within the education sector on a variety of issues including relationship issues, trauma, bereavement, transitions, and general mental health.

References 

Erasmus, Y. (2024). How to Respond to Silence and Shut Downs. Retrieved from https://yvetteerasmus.com/how-to-respond-to-silence/