If a gem is not taken care of, it starts to lose its brilliance and shine. It would be easy then to turn towards another gem, and see that this shiny beauty is what we actually want, as we forget that this gem, too, will lose its brilliance if not taken care of.

Relationships are the same. It’s easy to take someone for granted, and to lose that excitement we once felt when meeting our special someone. So what can we actually do, to keep that brilliance and excitement?

  1. Be compassionate and understanding. Listen to each other, and don’t stop there – show your partner that you care that they had a bad or stressful day at work. Be interested and compassionate about the issues they’re going through.
  2. Allocate time for intimacy. Yes, if need be keep a shared calendar and ‘book’ a date night. Studies have shown that couples who have sex once a week are happier than those who don’t, but the catch is that you can’t force it. So save time for a date night, have fun, bond, be intimate, and should one thing lead to another…let it!
  3. Reflect together. Spend some time together to think and reflect about things ranging from household duties to intimate issues. This helps partners to feel validated and understood by their significant others.
  4. Ignore your screen – when you’re with your partner, stay away from your smartphone. Cover your screen with something, in order for you to not glance there or even pick up your phone when there’s a silence or lull when conversing with your partner. Show your partner that they have your full attention.
  5. Say thank you – show appreciation and gratitude for the various things your partner does, which can include tasks which are beneficial for you or the relationship, and even household tasks such as washing the dishes or doing the laundry.


Mel McElhatton holds a degree in Social Work from the University of Malta. With Willingness, Mel does life coaching and is one of the facilitators in the IRL – In Real Life team. They are also the producer of the radio show Niddiskutu s-Sess. They can be contacted on mel@willingness.com.mt. You can visit their profile on: https://zme.tec.mybluehost.me/willingnessmt/team/mel-mcelhatton/




Kim, J. J., Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2015). Not in the mood? How do people reject their partner for sex and how does it matter. In Canadian Sex Research Forum, Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada.