We have all watched that scene in a movie where the main characters have a massive fight which turns into a night of hot passionate make-up sex and thought “that looks like fun”.
Define ‘make-up sex’…
It would typically refer to intense, energy-filled sex, following an argument between a couple. At times, the issue being argued might not be resolved before they end up in bed together.
It can stem due to multiple aspects, and at times, the argument might have pent-up frustration and energy, which turns into desire and lust. Therefore, this would be a great way to release negative feelings. It might increase levels of mood-boosting chemicals, allowing the individual to relax throughout the rest of the day with a clearer head. For others, while the sex can dampen the negative emotions from the fight for a short while, they can also come flooding back soon after.
Rekindling the flame
For some, make-up sex can be a way of feeling secure in the relationship again, especially after having a specific intense argument that may have shaken their sense of security in the relationship. Having sex is a way of reconnecting with your partner and showing them that you still have deep feelings for them, regardless of the fight you just had. It can also give off the message that you’re there to stay, regardless of what issues there are between you.
So, the million-dollar question: Is make-up sex good or bad for your relationship?
Much to our dismay, there isn’t a straightforward yes or no answer to this question. Sex is a significant way of improving intimacy in a relationship and connecting with your partner on a deeper level. At the same time, it is commonly used to brush over an issue that would need to be addressed. If you find yourself having make-up sex with your partner, it’s useful to reflect on the purpose of the sex for you by asking yourself “what did that mean to me?”. Through this, you can make sure that you didn’t use sex to bury an issue in the relationship that will keep re-emerging until resolved.
Having sex is a great way to reconnect physically and break the invisible barrier that may have been created between the two of you during an argument. However, it is vital that make-up sex goes hand in hand with verbal communication in the aftermath of a fight and is not used instead of having a conversation about it.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Lisa Laspina is a Trainee Gestalt Psychotherapist who is currently working with Willingness. She is reading for a Masters in Gestalt Psychotherapy.
References
Maxwell, J. A., & Meltzer, A. L. (2020). Kiss and Makeup? Examining the Co-occurrence of Conflict and Sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 2883–2892. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01779-8
McClymont, D. R. (2021, February 23). 6 health benefits of sex. Livi; Livi. https://www.livi.co.uk/your-health/6-health-benefits-of-sex/