Monogamy or Non-Monogamy? Finding the Best Fit for You
Relationships are as diverse as the people in them, and deciding between monogamy and non-monogamy depends on various factors, including individual preferences, values, and lifestyles. Both relationship styles have their unique benefits and challenges, and the key is to find what aligns with your personal needs. This blog provides a closer look at each of these relationship models to help you determine what works best for you.
Monogamy – What it’s all about
Monogamy is a relationship dynamic that involves committing to one partner exclusively, both romantically and sexually. It is often seen as the societal norm and is associated with deep emotional intimacy, stability, and a sense of security. Many people find comfort in the clear boundaries and mutual expectations that monogamy offers. It provides an opportunity to focus on building a life with one person, fostering growth and connection over time. However, monogamy requires effective communication and shared goals. Challenges can arise if partners have mismatched expectations or if one person feels stifled by exclusivity. It is essential to regularly check in and ensure that the relationship continues to meet both partners’ needs.
Nonmonogamy – How it differs from Monogamy
Non-monogamy encompasses a wide range of relationship styles, such as open relationships, polyamory, and casual arrangements, among others. These relationship structures allow individuals the opportunity to explore different facets of their sexuality and a variety of connections with multiple people, emphasizing one’s freedom and personal autonomy. For some, non-monogamy aligns with their belief that love and intimacy are not finite resources. It can provide opportunities to meet diverse emotional and physical needs through various relationships. However, it requires transparency, clear boundaries, and solid communication to be able to navigate through jealousy and multiple romantic/ sexual involvements.
Misconceptions of Choosing Between Monogamy and Nonmonogamy, and What Should Be Considered
Deciding between monogamy and non-monogamy is not about one being better than the other but rather about understanding yourself and your needs. In doing so, it is essential to consider the following factors:
- Personal Values and Beliefs: Your core beliefs about love, fidelity, and relationships play a significant role in determining which relationship style suits you. If you value exclusivity and find deep emotional satisfaction in a one-on-one connection, monogamy might be a better fit. Conversely, if you believe love and intimacy can be shared with multiple people without diminishing their value, non-monogamy could be more fulfilling.
- Communication and Boundaries: Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, but it becomes even more critical in non-monogamous arrangements. Partners must be able to discuss their needs, set clear boundaries, and handle jealousy and insecurities with honesty and empathy. Monogamous relationships also benefit from open communication, particularly in managing expectations and resolving conflicts.
- Emotional and Practical Considerations: Think about your emotional needs and how different relationship structures might meet them. Non-monogamous relationships can offer a broader support system but may require more time management and emotional labour. Monogamous relationships might provide a sense of stability but can also become strained if partners have unmet needs or mismatched expectations
Sometimes A Hybrid Approach is Needed
Some individuals and couples find that a hybrid approach works best for them, blending elements of both monogamy and non-monogamy. For example, they might practice monogamy with occasional consensual non-monogamous experiences or maintain primary relationships with secondary connections. The key is to tailor the relationship structure to what feels right for all parties involved, ensuring mutual respect and consent.
Just so We’re Clear, different Couples have Varying Dynamics
There is no single “right” way to love, and therefore no one-size-fits-all answer as to whether monogamy or non-monogamy is better. Ultimately, self-awareness and a willingness to communicate openly with your partner/s is essential. Whether you choose monogamy or non-monogamy, the best relationship style is one that aligns with your values, fosters mutual happiness and growth, as well as one where all involved feel supported, respected, valued, and fulfilled.
Pamela Borg is a counsellor who enjoys working therapeutically with adults
experiencing various issues. These include general mental health and well-being,
gender, sexuality, and relationship issues.
References:
Brook Young People (2024). Non-monogamous relationships and polyamory. Retrieved from: https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/non-monogamous-relationships/
Glynn, P. (2023). Monogamy or Non-Monogamy? Retrieved from: https://www.klearminds.com/blog/monogamy-or-non-monogamy/
Inclusion Incorporated (2023). UnderstandINg relationships – from Monogamy to Non-Monogamy. Retrieved from: https://inclusionincorporated.com/the-blog/f/understanding-relationships—from-monogamy-to-non-monogamy
