How to Sit with Someone in Pain
Although being present with someone in emotional pain is powerful, it can feel uncomfortable. Many of us, however, were never taught how to support someone through emotional challenges or grief. Instead of offering space, we often rush to fix, distract, or say something reassuring. Nevertheless, true healing begins when pain is witnessed with compassion and without avoidance.
Verbal Cues in Emotional Support
Sitting with our own pain is foundational to true post-traumatic growth and emotional resilience. The same core principles apply when we support others: we must hold space for difficult emotions instead of bypassing them. Pain itself is not our enemy; rather, it often serves as the unexpected pathway to deep healing and personal growth. By courageously accompanying someone through their sorrow, we help them feel less isolated and more emotionally seen. This compassionate presence fosters genuine connection, emotional trust, and long-term resilience and psychological integration in their healing journey.
Showing Up with Care
Understanding how to support someone in distress helps build meaningful emotional connections. First, always aim to be emotionally present without hidden motives or expectations. Then, listen attentively instead of offering advice or sharing personal experiences. Often, a simple phrase like “I’m here with you” brings comfort and reassurance. Moreover, nonverbal cues like eye contact or gentle touch can speak volumes.
Using Verbal Cues with Care
It is also important to ask instead of assuming what someone needs. While some may talk openly, others might prefer silent companionship beside them. Additionally, others may appreciate practical help like a meal or appointment support. Always respect boundaries, avoiding assumptions or pressuring them emotionally. However, steer clear of phrases like “at least” or “everything happens for a reason.” Even well-meant words can feel invalidating and create emotional distance instead of support.
Holding Space for Healing
Sitting with our own pain forms a crucial foundation for lasting post-traumatic growth and awareness. Similarly, when we support others, we must hold compassionate space for difficult emotions without rushing resolution. Instead of fearing pain, we can view it as a meaningful pathway toward emotional healing and inner strength. As we walk beside someone through their sorrow, we help them feel deeply seen and genuinely less alone. Furthermore, our presence builds emotional trust and encourages long-term resilience and psychological integration. Ultimately, choosing to sit with pain—ours or others’—is an act of brave emotional connection.
The Strength of Quiet Support
Being with someone in pain means managing our own emotional reactions with awareness. Discomfort, helplessness, or fear can easily surface during vulnerable moments of witnessing suffering. We must notice these emotions without judgment and allow them space to exist gently. By staying curious, we learn from what arises within us instead of resisting it. Compassion for ourselves helps us avoid shutting down or disconnecting from the other person. It takes strength to stay present and not escape emotionally from hard moments. Presence requires openness to discomfort rather than seeking immediate comfort or resolution. We support best when we remain grounded and emotionally available despite our inner reactions. Each experience teaches us something about empathy, courage, and emotional resilience. Facing pain with compassion deepens our capacity to truly sit with others.
Final Thoughts
Sitting with someone in pain reflects a quiet strength, offering love through calm presence rather than forced solutions or advice. We hold space by bearing witness without judgment, letting them feel seen, supported, and validated exactly as they are. Instead of rushing to fix, we remain present, consistent, and grounded throughout their emotional experience. This steady companionship invites trust and connection, laying the foundation for genuine healing and emotional growth to unfold naturally. By staying with their pain without fleeing, we empower them to feel safe, heard, and emotionally accompanied through their journey.
Verbal Cues: Written by Pamela Borg
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Pamela Borg is a counsellor who enjoys working therapeutically with adults experiencing various issues. These include general mental health and well-being, gender, sexuality, and relationship issues.
References
Brown, E.M. (2022). Sitting With Our Pain: The Key to Posttraumatic Growth. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-from-within/202204/sitting-with-our-pain-the-key-to-posttraumatic-growth
Byrne, C. (2024). 7 Tips to Help Comfort a Friend Who Is Hurting. Retrieved from: https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/tips-to-help-comfort-a-friend-who-is-hurting/
Hatch, K. (2025). Thoughts from a Therapist: Sitting with Pain. Retrieved from: https://www.wendtcenter.org/thoughts-from-a-therapist-sitting-with-pain/
Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
