What to expect from Couples Therapy
Couples usually seek therapy because they are facing disagreement or conflict, which appears difficult to solve or when they are unsure about their relationship, which causes distress.
Are you unsure whether couples therapy is the right step for you to take? This blog will help to understand what you can expect from couples therapy:
Setting a goal
Before couples therapy, discussing with your partner which goal you would like to reach is helpful: Would you like to take the next step in your relationship, move in together or have a child? Have you reached a breaking point and need to figure out which direction to go? Are you not managing to be intimate with each other? Has the relationship, and now you wish to rekindle but don’t know how? Are there children involved, however, co-parenting seems difficult to navigate?
These are all possible situations that can be addressed in couples therapy. The aim is to either bring the couple closer together again or find a peaceful way to separate.
Intake and initial sessions
During the couples therapy intake and the initial session(s), the common goal will be assessed and defined.
Building a therapeutic relationship is crucial; therefore, the therapist/counsellor will usually ask questions to gain insights from both partners about the current situation and issues.
Different couple therapy modalities
Whilst looking for a suitable couple therapist/counsellor, you might wish to consider certain personal preferences such as male or female, local or foreign. Based on their training, couple therapists/counsellors work with different modalities; you might come across terms such as “Emotion-Focused Therapy” and “The Gottman Method”, among others – the goal of all modalities is the same: to improve the connection between partners and thereby ensure the relationship remains/becomes a source of satisfaction and meaning.
Depending on your situation, you might wish to look out for specific specialisations; some couple therapists/counsellors specifically work with infidelity issues, while others work with sexual difficulties, intimate partner violence or infertility.
Session structure
Typically, during couples therapy, there are three parties in the room apart from the therapist/counsellor—one partner, the other partner, and their relationship itself. The client is the relationship.
Your therapist/counsellor is present to facilitate a safe space to look at the relationship that has been created and what both partners have contributed to it, address issues, and discuss the way forward. Ideally, both partners are present during all sessions – under certain circumstances, it might be warranted to have 1:1 sessions and then come back together; this, however, requires both partners’ permission, and no secrets will be held by the therapist/counsellor about what has been spoken about in those individual sessions. Your therapist/counsellor will not take sides but remain a neutral mediator.
The process
The couples therapy process includes the sessions and the space between them. While input happens in the sessions, the actual work needs to be done at home and in daily life together. You will usually be asked to practice your insights and what you have learnt in the sessions—this can include certain behaviours, problem-solving skills, and communication. In subsequent sessions, there will be space to discuss the “homework” and see how it has been working or why it was not working.
Whilst the goal is often based on “fixing” an issue in the relationship, the process includes the positive moments, too. If both partners agree on working things out, the connection still has something positive that might need some revival. Therefore, you might be asked to schedule active quality time between your sessions, make a “bucket list” of fun things you wish to do with your partner, actively hold hands again and hug each other, create a vision board, and name examples. This will bring the excitement back and ideally lead to re-connection.
Couples therapy is a gradual process – sometimes, things have to get worse before they can get better. It will take time to get used to the sessions and to fully open up – not only to each other but also to your therapist/counsellor. The process will require effort, patience, and commitment from everyone involved to achieve the goal(s) and achieve a successful outcome.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Franziska Richter is a transcultural counsellor with the Willingness Team, offering counselling sessions to individuals and couples. She is particularly interested in sexuality, relationship issues, trauma and general mental health.
References
https://uktherapyguide.com/what-to-expect-from-couples-counselling
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/therapy/how-does-couples-therapy-work
