Who are we to think we have a right to change others when we are all born with free will and dignity? Yet we have the power to change: To change ourselves.
In life, we inevitably interact with people having differing ways of thinking, behaving, and interacting, having dissimilar life goals and aspirations. The truth is, we are all different, although we can connect on some levels.
And that is fine; we do not have to be the same. Yet, somehow, there is an innate tendency to try to change others, to mould them to our ways. Can it be because we subconsciously believe that in doing so, we can connect on a deeper level? Can it be because we would feel understood and less lonely?
When we want to connect with particular individuals, especially those we love and care about, we feel frustrated because of our differences. As our distress grows, it has an extensive bearing on our well-being, especially when our loved ones cannot see us for who we are. The well-being of our loved ones also diminishes. And is it not painful when they are not who we wish them to be?
Frustration, distress and fear manifest in anger – the arguments take a toll as they become heavier and burdensome. In fact, the more we argue, the more we drift apart. We panic and feel confused. We become stuck.
What Can We Do?
In that moment and period when your life seems to fall apart, there is an opportunity for you to become the strongest you have ever been. Do not be disheartened. You can make it. However, the change will not happen overnight. It is a process that takes time.
Take your time to reflect on who you are and what you want in your life. Think about it as though others will accept you as you are, without judgment. Take into account your values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. Make a list of realistic possibilities for how your life can be. Then, enact the changing process by starting with the first thing you want to change about yourself.
Changing does not mean you become a different you. Changing means transforming into the fullness of who you are. You will then see that your life has meaning and is meaningful. You matter; others matter.
The duty of each of us is not to change others – that they become us, or we become them. But to transform ourselves in our way – to grow like a beautiful blooming flower. And as we start to bloom, we can understand that others are blooming in their way. And together, we are beautiful.
This blog is the second part of The Meaning in Life series, part 1 can be viewed here.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Allison Sammut is a Psychology graduate from the University of Malta. She is currently working as a Psychology Assistant at Willingness. She has worked with children, adolescents and adults and is interested in furthering her learning and experience in helping people process trauma
References
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Baumann, D., & Ruch, W. (2022). What constitutes a fulfilled life? A mixed methods study on lay perspectives across the lifespan. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, Article 982782. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.982782
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