Coping with Guilt After Losing Someone to Suicide

Losing a loved one to suicide is a profoundly painful experience, often leaving survivors with overwhelming guilt. Many struggle with questions about what they could have done differently. Understanding and managing these feelings is crucial to the healing process. Below are key insights into coping with guilt after such a loss.

Understanding Survivor’s Guilt

Survivor’s guilt is a typical response to suicide loss, marked by self-blame, regret, and replaying past interactions (Jordan & McIntosh, 2011). These feelings arise because loved ones often feel responsible for not recognising warning signs or preventing the tragedy.

Challenging Self-Blame

Self-blame is a natural but unhelpful reaction. It is essential to acknowledge that suicide is a complex issue influenced by mental illness, trauma, and other factors beyond one person’s control (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 2023). Seeking professional counselling or therapy can help reframe these thoughts and provide perspective.

Processing Emotions

Grief after a suicide loss involves a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief in some cases. It is essential to allow oneself to experience these emotions without judgment (Neimeyer, 2012). Journaling, talking to a therapist, or joining a support group can aid emotional processing.

Seeking Support

Connecting with others who have experienced a similar loss can provide comfort and validation. Some organisations may offer support groups and resources. Speaking with friends, family, or mental health professionals can also be beneficial.

Practicing Self-Compassion

It is essential to treat oneself with kindness during the grieving process. Self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, and creative expression, can promote healing (Shear, 2015). Remembering that no single action or conversation determines someone’s decision to end their life can help alleviate guilt.

Honouring the Loved One’s Memory

Many find comfort in honouring their loved one’s life rather than focusing solely on their death. This could involve creating a tribute, participating in mental health advocacy, or simply remembering the positive moments shared (Jordan & McIntosh, 2011).

When to Seek Professional Help

Persistent guilt, depression, or suicidal thoughts should not be ignored. If grief becomes overwhelming or interferes with daily life, seeking therapy from a grief counsellor or psychologist trained in suicide loss is highly recommended (Shear, 2015).

Conclusion

Coping with guilt after losing someone to suicide is challenging, but it is possible to find peace and healing. By seeking support, practising self-compassion, and reframing guilt, survivors can gradually navigate their grief and find ways to honour their loved one’s memory.

Charlot Cauchi is a Gestalt Psychotherapist at Willingness. He specialises in working with adults and the elderly, addressing mental health difficulties, anxiety and depression, grief and loss, trauma, stress, and relational issues.

References

Jordan, J. R., & McIntosh, J. L. (2011). Grief after suicide: Understanding the consequences and caring for the survivors. Routledge.

Neimeyer, R. A. (2012). Techniques of grief therapy: Creative practices for counselling the bereaved. Routledge.

Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief treatment: A handbook for clinicians. Guilford Press.