Is It Okay to Cry in Front of Kids?

“Stop crying, you’re not a baby.” This phrase is often heard in our society, reinforcing the belief that crying is something to be ashamed of or outgrown. Crying is a natural human response to emotions, yet many adults struggle to display their tears in front of children. Societal norms often reinforce the belief that adults, particularly parents and caregivers, should always remain strong and composed. However, research and child psychology suggest that showing vulnerability through crying can benefit both adults and children. Rather than shielding children from emotional expressions, allowing them to witness authentic emotions can promote emotional intelligence, resilience, and a deeper understanding of human relationships (Gottman et al., 1997).

Emotional Regulation vs Emotionally Burdening Someone – What’s the Difference

That said, while it is healthy for children to see adults express emotions, there is an essential distinction between modelling emotional regulation and emotionally burdening children. Expressing emotions in front of children in a contained way helps them understand that feelings are normal and manageable. However, collapsing under emotional duress, where a child feels responsible for soothing or supporting an overwhelmed adult, can lead to parentification and emotional distress (Hooper et al., 2011). Children need reassurance that adults can manage their emotions and remain in a secure environment.

Teaching Emotional Intelligence

Children learn about emotions by observing how adults express and manage their feelings. When children see an adult cry, they gain insight into the natural spectrum of emotions and learn that sadness, like happiness or anger, is a regular part of life (Denham, 1998). Hiding emotions can send a misleading message that crying is a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of. Instead, modelling healthy emotional regulation—acknowledging sadness, expressing it, and recovering—teaches children valuable coping mechanisms (Thompson, 1994).

Strengthening Parent-Child Bonds

Crying in front of children can foster a sense of trust and emotional closeness. When adults share their feelings in an age-appropriate way, it creates an environment where children feel safe to express their own emotions. This openness strengthens the bond between children and caregivers, demonstrating that emotions are not something to fear or suppress but to understand and process together (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).

Helping Children Develop Empathy

Empathy is a critical social skill that helps children build meaningful relationships. Witnessing an adult in distress can encourage children to offer comfort and support, reinforcing their ability to empathise with others (Eisenberg & Fabes, 1998). This does not mean burdening children with adult problems, but allowing them to see and understand that emotions are a shared human experience.

Dispelling Myths of Strength and Weakness

The idea that strength equates to emotional suppression is a misconception that can negatively impact children’s understanding of resilience. True resilience involves acknowledging emotions, processing them, and moving forward (Bonanno, 2004). If children grow up believing that crying is a sign of weakness, they may struggle with emotional expression and internalise distress rather than seeking support when needed.

When to Be Mindful About Crying

While crying in front of children can be beneficial, context matters. If an adult is overwhelmed or unable to self-regulate, it may be distressing for a child to witness uncontrolled emotional outbursts. In such cases, explaining emotions in a way that reassures the child is helpful. Phrases like “I’m feeling sad right now, but I will be okay” provide a sense of security while validating the experience of sadness (Gottman & Declaire, 1997). Being mindful of how emotions are expressed ensures that children learn emotional regulation rather than feeling responsible for their caregivers’ well-being (Hooper et al., 2011).

Conclusion

Thus, crying in front of children is not only okay—it is an opportunity for growth, learning, and connection. When adults healthily model emotional authenticity, children develop a stronger emotional foundation, gain confidence in expressing their feelings, and learn that vulnerability is a natural part of the human experience. Rather than hiding tears, embracing them as part of life’s emotional journey can lead to healthier, more emotionally aware children.

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue, you can reach out here.

Abigail Church is a Humanistic Integrative Counsellor who works with adults and children through counselling with Willingness. She can be contacted at abigail@willingness.com.mt or call us on 79291817.

 

References

1. Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20-28. Denham, S. A. (1998).
2. Emotional development in young children. Guilford Press. Eisenberg, N., & Fabes, R. A. (1998). Prosocial development. In N. Eisenberg (Ed.), Handbook of Child Psychology: Vol. 3. Social, Emotional, and Personality Development (5th ed., pp. 701-778). Wiley. Gottman, J., & Declaire, J. (1997).
3. Raising an emotionally intelligent child. Simon & Schuster. Gottman, J., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997).
4. Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Hooper, L. M., Doehler, K., Wallace, S. A., & Hannah, N. J. (2011).
5. The Parentification Inventory: Development, Validation, and Cross-Validation. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 39(3), 226-241. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012).
6. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press. Thompson, R. A. (1994).
7. Emotion regulation: A theme in search of definition. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 59(2-3), 25-52.