Relationship styles and structures come in various forms. Many people may not know this, because society only ever teaches us about finding ‘the one’ and that loving more than person romantically is wrong. However, the truth is that, like many other things, relationship orientation also lies on a spectrum.
Love is for Everyone
Some people are happy and satisfied in monogamous relationships, while others have the capacity of sharing their love with more than one person at any one time. There are various other relationship styles that fall in between monogamy and polyamory, and what works for one person may not work for another. In this article, we will be looking at some signs that you might be polyamorous, as well as some questions to ask yourself if you find yourself questioning your relationship preference.
How Can I Know?
One sign that you could be polyamorous is if the idea of committing to just one person is difficult for you. Some polyamorous people struggle with relationships because they would not like to lose out on their freedom to date other people. Many think that this means someone has commitment issues, but this might not necessarily be the case. Polyamory allows people to enjoy the stability of long-term commitment with a partner, while also having the opportunity to explore other connections.
Monogamy Doesn’t Work
Another sign that is quite related to the one above is if you struggle to be in monogamous relationships. Many people do not know about the possibility of polyamory as a relationship style and may often try out several monogamous relationships before realizing that it is not for them. This is because one might feel trapped or suffocated trying to commit to one partner, which could potentially lead to them cheating on their partner, causing hurt and the ending of many relationships.
Lots of Love to Give
Have you often found yourself having crushes on multiple people at the same time? This could be another sign that you might be polyamorous. Polyamorous people often describe feeling an abundance of love to share with others, and therefore have the emotional capacity for having more than one romantic partner at the same time. And what about the idea of having your partner date other people while being in a relationship with you? If this concept does not seem like a deal-breaker, this might be an additional sign that you might be polyamorous.
Things to Ask Yourself
There are further questions that might be helpful to consider if you are questioning whether you might be polyamorous. You may need to do a lot of unlearning and conscious deprogramming in order to explore whether polyamory is for you, given that society ideals are mainly focused on monogamy. You might want to think about what is making you consider polyamory in the first place – relationships are complicated and adding more people to the mix will make it even more so!
Another important question to ask yourself is what you require for your needs to be met. If you often find that you have dissimilar expectations and desires from partners in relationships, this could also indicate that you may be polyamorous. Figuring out which style of relating suits you best requires an open mind and being real about what best meets your needs. In reality, no one relationship structure is better than the other – they’re just different! As long as you are open and honest with yourself, as well as potential partners, that is all that matters.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Pamela Borg is a counsellor who enjoys working therapeutically with adults experiencing various issues. These include general mental health and wellbeing, gender, sexuality, relationship issues.
Hope, R. (2020). How to Know You’re Not Polyamorous. Retrieved from: https://medium.com/polyamory-today/how-to-know-youre-not-polyamorous-cfe3a511ad87
López, C. (2021). 4 subtle signs you’re polyamorous, according to experts. Retrieved from: https://www.insider.com/subtle-signs-you-are-polyamorous-2021-8#:~:text=You%20have%20multiple%20crushes%20or,)%2C%20you%20might%20be%20polyamorous.