How to Talk to Your Child About Something Traumatic—Without Causing More Harm

No matter how much we want to protect children, it is unfeasible to shield them from experiencing or witnessing tragedy, loss and violence. Witnessing a distressing event, either in real life or through a screen, experiencing an accident or a natural disaster, losing a loved one, they are all cases that may affect a child’s sense of safety. As their view of the word as a safe place may change, it is important to support appropriately. 

Encourage conversation, but don’t force it

Children might not immediately share what’s troubling them or ask questions about the event. Let them know you’re available by turning off distractions and focusing entirely on being there. Physical presence and quiet attention show the conversation matters and that their feelings are important.

What is their understanding or the situation

Begin by gently exploring their understanding of what they think happened during the traumatic experience. Ask open-ended questions to understand how they feel and what they’ve emotionally taken from the event. If they’re not ready to talk, remain calm and let them know that’s perfectly okay.

Childhood Grief by Developmental Stage

Younger children often need reassurance that they are physically safe and emotionally supported in their environment. Teenagers, however, may prefer space and time to make sense of what occurred before opening up. Tailor your words to their age, using clear, honest, and developmentally appropriate language. Keep explanations simple for younger children, avoiding overwhelming details that could confuse or frighten them.

Expressing Feelings in Childhood Grief

Normalize feelings such as fear, sadness, or anger when children struggle with emotional reactions to trauma. Let them know these feelings are acceptable and part of the healing process after distressing experiences. Share your emotions honestly, modelling openness without overwhelming the child or shifting the focus. If you’re too distressed, take time and seek support before engaging in difficult conversations.

Reframing Their Thoughts

Young children may use imagination to fill gaps when they don’t fully understand what has happened. Sometimes they create explanations that are inaccurate or overly self-critical based on limited information and emotional confusion. They may even wrongly blame themselves for situations completely out of their control. Reassuring them clearly and consistently is crucial to restoring their sense of safety. Let them know directly and kindly that the incident was not their fault.

Understanding Childhood Grief

Navigating trauma conversations with your child isn’t about perfection, but about offering consistent compassion, patience, and presence. A calm, accepting response builds emotional safety, helping your child feel seen, validated, and supported through their grief or confusion. While you can’t change the traumatic experience, you can influence how your child understands, processes, and carries it forward.

Childhood Grief: Written by Elena Marionpoulou

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Elena Marinopoulou is a Behaviour Analyst with the Willingness Team. She works with children and adults and has a strong interest in parent training, sleep and feeding issues emerging during childhood, as well as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

References

Stanford Children’s Health. (2014, August 19). How to talk to children about traumatic events. Stanford Medicine Children’s Health. https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/about/news/releases/2014/talking-to-children-traumatic-events.html

May, K., & Browne, C. (2019, August 6). 4 steps for discussing traumatic events with children. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-family-matters/201908/4-steps-for-discussing-traumatic-events-with-children

O’Grady, K. (2018, February 15). Nine tips for talking to kids about trauma. Greater Good Science Center. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/nine_tips_for_talking_to_kids_about_trauma