I Don’t Get Butterflies for My Partner, Is That Normal?
Experiencing those fluttery sensations in your stomach, also known as “butterflies”, has long been romanticised as a sign of true love. However, the absence of such feelings does not necessarily signify a lack of affection or connection with your partner. Not experiencing butterflies can be expected and may indicate a healthier, more stable relationship. This blog explains what happens in our brain and body when we get butterflies and what it might mean when we do not experience these feelings towards a partner.
What Is Feeling Butterflies For Your Partner All About
The sensation of butterflies is often linked to the body’s physiological response to new and exciting stimuli. When encountering a potential romantic interest, the brain releases hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine, leading to an increased heart rate and that familiar fluttery feeling. While this response can be exhilarating, it is not necessarily a reliable indicator of lasting love or compatibility. The feeling of butterflies can sometimes be a manifestation of anxiety rather than genuine affection. Experiencing these sensations is a red flag, signalling unease or unresolved issues from past relationships. The body’s fight-or-flight response can trigger these feelings, suggesting that the relationship may not be as secure as it seems.
Things That Often Happen In A Relationship During Its Early Stages
In the early stages of a relationship, the thrill of newness often brings intense emotions – excitement, nervousness, and even infatuation. These feelings can manifest as butterflies, fuelled by uncertainty and anticipation. However, as the relationship matures, these initial rushes of passion tend to settle into something deeper and more enduring. This does not mean the relationship has lost its spark; instead, it has evolved into a state of comfort where both partners feel safe and secure.
Building A Stable Connection – The Proper Way
A stable connection is built on trust, communication, and understanding. Instead of being driven by adrenaline and novelty, long-term relationships are often characterised by emotional intimacy, shared experiences, and a deep appreciation for one another. The absence of butterflies can signal that you feel at ease with your partner and do not have to worry about impressing them or questioning where you stand. This transition is not a loss but a natural and healthy progression towards a more sustainable form of love. Ultimately, while the initial excitement may fade, what replaces it is something far more valuable: a relationship where both partners can be authentic, rely on one another, and build a future based on mutual respect and companionship.
How Feeling Butterflies Is Often Depicted In The Media
Media often depict butterflies as the ultimate sign of true love; however, this portrayal can set unrealistic expectations about what love looks like. Relationships do not always come with grand gestures or overwhelming passion. Instead, true love is often found in quiet, consistent moments – deep conversations, shared laughter, and unwavering support. While movies thrive on drama and heightened emotions, lasting relationships are built on stability, trust, and companionship. This does not mean that romance cannot be exciting, but it is essential to recognise that butterflies do not always accompany real love, which is normal.
Conclusion
In conclusion, not experiencing butterflies for your partner is normal and can be a positive sign of a stable and genuine connection. Prioritising trust, comfort, and authenticity over transient excitement often leads to more fulfilling and enduring relationships. Embrace the unique qualities of your partnership, and remember that true love is built on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding, not solely on momentary sensations.
If you think you can benefit from professional support on this issue, you can reach out here.
Pamela Borg is a counsellor who enjoys working therapeutically with adults experiencing various issues. These include general mental health and well-being, gender, sexuality, and relationship issues.
References:
Ciletti, N. & Purvis, M. (2025). Butterflies in Your Stomach and Other Physical Feelings When in Love. Retrieved from: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/butterflies-in-stomach-love-and-other-commonly-experienced-physical-feelings-when-youre-in-love/
Elevate. (2023). Why Butterflies in a Relationship Can Be a Red Flag. Retrieved from: https://www.elevatecounseling.com/blog/why-butterflies-in-a-relationship-can-actually-be-a-red-flag/
Never Liked It Anyway (2024). Eight reasons why not getting butterflies can still mean you’re in love. Retrieved from: https://www.neverlikeditanyway.com/fixit/8-reasons-why-not-getting-butterflies-can-still-mean-youre-in-love/
Rajaee, S. (2022). Why Feeling Butterflies Doesn’t Mean You’re in Love. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/doubtful/202205/why-feeling-butterflies-doesnt-mean-youre-in-love
Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash
