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Passionate sex: wild, young and always ending with an incredibly loud and intimate orgasm- that is what we have in mind when we think about porn. The women often have big breasts, a slim waist and groans loudly, always having fun and getting her orgasm. On the other hand, you see the man with a broad back, muscular arms and blessed by a long erection of course ending with an ejaculation.

But back to reality. We often don´t have the perfect sex life. Perhaps you are in a longstanding relationship, you’ve known each other for a very long time and your sex life is always changing. Your preferences may vary over time and as you’ve known each other for a long time sometimes it could be a little bit boring when compared to the first time. There may not always be an orgasm due to some biological reason, stress or aversion.

In the mind there is often a representation of the perfect kind of sex, one that ends with a good, long orgasm of both partners. It is however important to separate porn from reality because there could be the development of unrealistic expectations and additional, unnecessary expectations both on yourself and your partner that may lead to disappointment and frustration. Thinking of sex as always having to be the most incredible of experiences could also produce a block, causing you to over think and as a result, struggle to perform. If people are too concerned with appearances or performance, their experience of pleasure at the moment of the sexual act will be affected. As human beings we must come to terms with the absence of perfection in life and accept that sex should be a pleasurable and stress free intimate moment which need not be a manifestation of what we see in pornography. You should also keep in mind that porn is only a movie with actors. It is better to be clear in your mind and feeling good, and try and avoid perfectionistic ideas of sex. You should feel comfortable and have fun with your partner. So relax and enjoy! 😉

 

– Laura Remmel is a Masters student at the University of the German Armed Forces in Munich, Germany. She completed her Bachelor of Science (B.Sc.) in January 2016. She is interesting in furthering her studies is psychotherapy, PTSD and military psychology. She is participating in a summer internship programme at Willingness.com.mt.