How do you decide when you want to lose your virginity? Or with who? Or where? Or in what way? So many questions can float around in our minds when we consider the possibility of having sex for the first time.
Studies carried out within the past 10 years in Malta show that teenagers from the age of 14 start to experiment with sex and participate in sexual activity. However, the majority of young people lose their virginity between the ages of 16 and 18.
Losing your virginity can be an emotional time – both in a negative and a positive way. One may feel anxiety and confusion, as well as excitement and joy, or all of the above, when having sex for the first time.
Here are some things to consider before losing your virginity:
1. The Person
Deciding who you want to lose your virginity with can be important for some people. You might have always dreamt of losing your virginity to your first love, or someone that you have known for a reasonably long time. In reality, it doesn’t always happen this way. However, it is important to get to know the person at least a little bit before you decide to sleep with them. Having sex for the first time can be a scary thing, so doing it with someone that makes you feel comfortable and respected is important. Losing your virginity to someone you trust will allow you to be more honest about what you like and what you don’t like, and less embarrassed if you decide to change your mind halfway through.
2. Reasonable Expectations to Lose Your Virginity
Having sex for the first time is probably going to be awkward. It’s nice to fantasize that your first time is going to be super romantic and will give you both endless orgasms – but the possibility of this coming true is quite low. If you’re a girl, losing your virginity might hurt or result in some bleeding. If you’re a guy, you might orgasm fairly quickly, cutting the experience a bit short. It’s important to consider that these things might happen and that they are completely normal!
Your first sexual experience does not mean that every sexual encounter to follow is going to be the same. Finding what you like in the bedroom can take time and this is perfectly okay. You might not even have an orgasm the first time you have sex because your mind might be in overdrive trying to get things right or trying to recreate some elaborate sex positions that you’ve seen in porn. Having an open discussion with your partner before having sex can help you both understand what each other’s expectations are and make them more realistic.
3. Safe Sex.
If you had a penny for every time you heard the phrase ‘safe sex’, you would be a millionaire, I know. But it is actually extremely important to keep important health tips in mind to practice safe sex before losing your virginity. When we talk about safe sex we’re talking about a broad topic. Birth control and being educated about how pregnancy works is important to prevent any unwanted pregnancies. Protection like condoms and medical testing is important to prevent any unwanted Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Being with the right person, in the right place, is important to prevent ending up in an unsafe situation where you are pressured into doing something you don’t want to. These are all things you need to consider before deciding to lose your virginity.
At the end of the day, just enjoy it! Try and take off all the pressure of performing well or making it a perfect experience, and just embrace the awkward fun that you will have when losing your virginity.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Lisa Laspina is a Trainee Gestalt Psychotherapist who is currently working with Willingness. She is reading for a Masters in Gestalt Psychotherapy.
Cassar, J. (2021). Sexual Behaviour Trends among Young People in Malta. Symposia Melitensia, 17.