Communication is key to a successful relationship. We’ve all heard that one before. The truth of the matter is that communication is key to be successful in every part of life – for a successful working life, a successful family life and not least of all a fulfilling sex life.

“To be honest we never actually talked about it before today’s session.  We knew something was wrong so we said let’s ask a professional for help. That’s the only time we actually discussed sex.”  “Well we just did it…never felt the need to talk about it…” This is what the couple said when the therapist asked them about their sex life and what they think the problem was.

Unfortunately, one meets couples who are physically intimate but do not feel comfortable talking about what they are doing between the sheets. Sex is play between two adults. In relationships sex is the moment when the lovers let go of their clothes, personas, societal expectations and be together in the barest way possible.

Sex is a space created in the couples’ life where they can let go of their responsibilities and be together and play. The lovers can pleasure each other and connect emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Sex can only be this kind of space if the couple know each other well and know what each other expect and want from the physical encounter.  On the other hand, sex can, and some times is, a place of fear, frustration, guilt and shame. This is usually the case when there are evident or underlying problems that the couple do not talk about.

In the next blogs we will discuss situations in a more practical manner.

– Matthew Bartolo is a counsellor specialising in Sex & Relationships.  He offers counselling to both individuals and couples, and runs the sex education services within Willingness.  He can be contacted on