According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, the highest rates in a long-term relationship is not actually passion but certainly intimacy. That means that people who do not open up or even make it difficult for their partner to open up easily in the couple relationship then they have more difficulty within their relationship. Knowing each other very well is a way of connecting deeply and being intimate in the close relationship. Being deeply intimate means to be deeply connected and also safe to allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner.
For many, intimacy is only referred to sexual intimacy but this is not the case, as explained here above intimacy is much more than just the sexual connection or the intercourse. Intimacy is feeling safe and feeling a sense of belonging with your partner. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable means that you can share your thoughts and emotions with your partner since you know that your partner will not judge you and will support you in every step that you take.
If you would like to deepen your intimacy with your partner, you might want to consider the following 8 ways of how to deepen your intimacy:-
1. Make time to hold emotional conversations
It is important to spare some time with your partner to hold deeply emotional conversations. That is; not only sharing what you did and what you ate today but conversations which involve your thoughts and emotions. Ideally this should be done daily but if it is possible to do every day at least you should find time to do it as often as possible.
2. Share and disclose more
When in a relationship, at the very few days and months of the relationship, both parties are eager to discover more about one another. Over time, people tend to lose their urge in discovering what’s new about the other. This is one of the keys to be intimate and also to encourage your partner to continue to open up about their emotions and themselves. This facilitates disclosure and couples continue to be close rather than become distant over time.
3. Ensure safety
When conversing make sure that you create a safe and non-judgemental space for your partner to disclose and talk about their feelings. It is important that you are attentive while listening and listen without passing judgements. If your partner come to you to speak about their emotions and you are judgemental then your partner will be discouraged to speak up and also will most probably close up and become distant.
4. Ask your partner what they need
When you get to know your partner sometimes people take things for granted and with things unfortunately there might be the case that we take people for granted. To make sure that you do not fall into this pitfall, ask your partner, check-in with your partner on a regular basis. Ask your partner what they need from you, ask if you are being a good partner and where you lack or when you do mistakes, always apologise. Never assume, always ask your partner because every day brings new challenges and maybe your partner would have different needs over time.
Continue to Part 2 for some more ways to deepen your intimacy with your partner.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Rachel Osmond is a Family Therapist with Willingness who works with individuals, couples and families. She also has experience with children and adolescents.
Perry, S. (2016). 10 Proven ways you can increase intimacy. Psychology Today. Retrieved on the 23rd April 2023 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/creating-in-flow/201602/10-proven-ways-you-can-increase-intimacy