Rebuilding Trust After a Relationship Ends
Most people view Trust as the key factor in a healthy relationship, especially since it’s required for vulnerability, building connections, and maintaining a sense of safety. Trust is lost easily following a breakup, and it takes time to rebuild. Usually, in an intimate relationship, Trust is based on whether we feel safe or not with that person. Trust can be severely damaged if the partner cheats, lies, or breaks promises, leading to trust issues. Although rebuilding Trust can be challenging, the relationship can still be saved if both partners are committed to the process. The following are ways to rebuild Trust after a relationship ends:
1. Know the details
The offending partner should not only be upfront and honest but also give clear answers to any and all questions from their partner. This helps the betrayed party understand the situation better. Telling the story of the affair is also another way of understanding the situation better. The couple should mainly focus on the simple facts. And the injured partner needs to avoid engaging in a destructive interrogation process and defensiveness, as this prevents healing.
2. Create an environment of transparency.
As a result of our emotions, we might not be able to tell or hear the truth. Therefore, it facilitates trust and stops overthinking by keeping everything out in the open. When proactively transparent, you make the additional effort to highlight important things about the betrayal without waiting to be probed or asked. This promotes trust and displays a readiness to be held accountable.
3. Release the anger
Any form of breach of trust can lead to mental, emotional, physical, and health problems. Such problems include trouble eating, sleeping, irritability over some things, or being quick to trigger. Therefore, instead of stuffing all the anger and emotions down, betrayed partners should tune in and reflect on all the feelings they have. They can also reflect on how life has been disrupted, including thinking about all the emerging questions and doubts. Your partner also needs to be aware of these feelings.
4. Set time for weekly meetings to talk about the betrayal
Ideally, you should set a daily time to talk about the betrayal, between 15 and 20 minutes, to avoid talking about it all the time. This also enables the person to prepare for a productive discussion and better control their emotions. Progress can then be evaluated weekly to check whether the frequency of these meetings can be decreased. These meetings also help strengthen the relationship as, during this time, partners can be honest and communicate about key issues, including appreciation, what worked and what didn’t during the course of the week, chores, finances, and date nights.
The above and holding on to the bigger picture by staying strong and committing to working on it together foster a healthier, happier, and more honest relationship. If you still find it difficult to rebuild trust, you can consider getting professional help by going to a therapist who can help you process whatever situation you find yourself in and identify a way forward.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Johanna Cutajar is a Master in Counselling graduate from the University of Malta. She works with children and adolescents as a counsellor within the education sector on a variety of issues including relationship issues, trauma, bereavement, transitions, and general mental health.
References
Stritof, S. (2024). ow Couples Can Rebuild Trust in a Relationship. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/rebuild-trust-in-your-marriage-2300999
