Why We Lose Desire During Stressful Times
1) Stress impacts sex drive and mental health in relationships
Stress is an unavoidable part of our lives, but its effects can be consequential, especially when it comes to our desire for intimacy and psychological balance. During particularly demanding periods, many people notice a drop in their sexual desire, leading to confusion or even strain in their couple relationships. This reaction is not just “in your head.” There are clear biological and psychological reasons why stress negatively impacts sexual desire. This blog will explore how and why stress affects desire for intimacy and psychological balance, and what you can do to manage this issue better.
2) Hormonal shifts link sex drive and mental health effects
When the body perceives a threat – whether it is an approaching deadline, financial pressures, or emotional turmoil – it shifts into survival mode. This state, known as the “fight or flight” response, is controlled by the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. This system increases the production of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. While these hormones are useful in short bursts, chronic stress keeps them elevated, which can have a suppressive effect on sex hormones such as oestrogen and testosterone. The hormonal imbalance caused by prolonged stress disrupts libido for both men and women alike. In women, high cortisol can interfere with oestrogen and progesterone levels, creating symptoms like vaginal dryness or menstrual irregularities, which can make sex uncomfortable or unappealing. Men, on the other hand, may experience reduced testosterone levels, leading to lower sexual desire and even difficulties with arousal or performance during sex.
3) Mental fatigue and body image harm sex drive and mental health levels
Beyond hormones, stress impacts our mental and emotional states in ways that directly affect our libido. Anxiety and stress can often lead to fatigue, distraction, and difficulty relaxing, which are essentially three major roadblocks to intimacy. When you are mentally overwhelmed, it is difficult to be present or emotionally connected with your partner. Stress can also chip away at one’s self-esteem, leading individuals to feel unattractive or less confident in their bodies, thereby further reducing the desire for physical closeness and intimacy.
4) Couples’ tension affects sex drive and mental health deeply
Relationships themselves can suffer under stress, which can then create a feedback loop. Emotional distancing, irritability, or miscommunication between couples due to chronic stress can create tension in relationships. In these strained dynamics, physical intimacy is often one of the first aspects that gets affected. Partners may see low desire as rejection, increasing emotional stress. Low sex drive during stress is normal, not relationship failure. Understanding root causes helps couples face stress with more compassion.
5) Self-care and connection can restore sex drive and mental health strength
To counteract the effects of stress on libido, stress management techniques such as exercise, mindfulness and improving sleep can greatly help to regulate one’s nervous system and help to bring the mind and body back to safety. When it comes to managing this issue in your relationship, having open communication and rebuilding emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom can also help to reignite physical desire over time. In conclusion, our bodies are designed to prioritize survival over pleasure when we are under stress. Recognizing this biological fact and addressing both the causes of stress and their impact on our relationships, can help us find our way back to connection and desire when life finally begins to feel more manageable.
Written by Pamela Borg
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Pamela Borg is a counsellor who enjoys working therapeutically with adults experiencing various issues. These include general mental health and wellbeing, gender, sexuality, relationship issues.
References:
Scott, E. (2023). How Stress Can Cause a Low Libido. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-stress-can-lead-to-low-libido-3145029
Stills, S. (2025). How stress affects sex drive — and what to do about it! Retrieved from: https://www.womenshealthnetwork.com/adrenal-fatigue-and-stress/stress-and-sex-life/
Tuckman, A. (2020). Sex Drive and Stress: Up or Down? Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-matters/202003/sex-drive-and-stress-or-down
Photo by JEREMY MALECKI on Unsplash
