What is Emotional Self-Regulation and Why is it Useful?

Understanding Emotional Responses Through Discipline

Experiencing emotions is a natural and essential part of what makes us human every single day. Everyone feels a range of emotions, but some individuals experience them more intensely than others. Your emotional reactions often depend on early learning and your adult life experiences combined over time. If emotional management wasn’t taught properly, especially within social situations, difficulties with expression and control are likely to emerge. This is where emotional self-regulation, guided by discipline, becomes a crucial skill for healthier emotional functioning.

Discipline as a Pathway to Emotional Clarity

Emotional self-regulation describes how a person manages and responds effectively to emotional experiences they encounter. It allows individuals to recognise, monitor, and control their emotions depending on the situation involved. Life constantly brings emotional ups and downs, and regulating our responses can significantly improve our overall wellbeing. When we actively engage in emotional self-regulation, we pause and think before reacting to emotional triggers. This reflective approach often results in healthier decisions and stronger relationships in both personal and professional settings. By practising self-awareness and discipline, we gain better control over our actions in emotionally charged moments. Rather than making impulsive choices we later regret, we choose measured, thoughtful responses that align with our long-term goals.

Choosing When to Respond and When to Let Go

It’s important to note that using emotional self-regulation doesn’t mean we never express when something has upset us. Instead, it means we actively recognise the right moment to express it. For example, if you’re driving within the speed limit and another driver aggressively honks to make you go faster, the best response is to stay calm and ignore them. On the other hand, if your sister takes the outfit you planned to wear that day, it’s entirely appropriate to show your anger and assertively claim your clothes back. We actively regulate our emotions constantly—during every interaction and every choice we make.

Here are 3 tips help you self-regulate your emotions

1. Think before you speak – When making a decision or reacting to someone, it’s important to take a few seconds to think before speaking or reacting. By speaking from a place of calm and consideration, we can handle the situation better. For example, when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and a work colleague gives you something else to do, instead of lashing out at them, stop yourself from reacting. Breathe in and out, then explain to them that right now you’re overwhelmed with work but you will do it once you have the chance unless someone else can do it.
   
2. Mindfulness – Mindfulness means being fully present in the here and now; you’re aware of where you are and what you’re doing in that moment. You need to observe what is happening inside of you with your thoughts and feelings as well as to what is happening around you. According to the American Psychological Association, by integrating mindfulness into your life, it helps to reduce stress and make you less emotionally reactive to your situations.
   
3. Seek the help of a professional – You don’t need to be alone when trying to understand and manage your emotions. If you’re finding it difficult to self-regulate your emotions, then think about seeking a therapist to help you with this.

Moving Forward with Emotional Strength

Self-regulating skills often begin in childhood, yet we can continue strengthening them throughout life. As challenges arise, actively developing emotional discipline empowers you to stay calm, focused, and grounded. These skills enhance your communication, deepen your relationships, and improve your ability to manage stress. By practising self-awareness, emotional control, and healthy expression, you build stronger connections and a more resilient mindset. Whether at work, in relationships, or during personal struggles, self-regulation helps you respond—not react—and move forward with purpose.

Written by Mandy Brincat

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Mandy Brincat is a Gestalt psychotherapist who enjoys working therapeutically with adults on various issues. These include general mental health and wellbeing. She also has experience working with anxiety, victims of domestic violence and eating disorders.

References

1. Davis, D., & Hayes, J. (2012). What are the benefits of mindfulness. American Psychological Association, 43(7), 64.
2. Rolston, A., & Lloyd-Richardson, E. What is emotion regulation and how do we do it? [PDF] (pp. 1-5). Retrieved from http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/what-is-emotion-regulationsinfo-brief.pdf