As we discussed in the earlier blogs, if one cannot bring themselves to be comfortable talking about sex with their partner maybe their relationship is not intimate enough yet. Maybe they should work on their emotional intimacy first and be comfortable talking about their feelings and needs before they switch off the light and clumsily try and get each other to orgasm. If a couple is not assertive and confident enough to state what they like and want from sex how can they pleasure each other to the best of their ability? One of the benefits of being in a long-term relationship, after all, is that if both talk about what they like and want during sex it will get better. The more a couple practice and improve on what they are doing the better and more fun sex gets.

This is why it is important to find time as a couple to get used to talking about sex and what you like about your own body and that of your partner. Sometimes it is about finding a language to use when sharing fantasies and pleasure. This does not mean that a couple need to go on sex education courses to learn the jargon that experts use. It is your body so you can call it whatever you want. Play, have fun….touch, ask and fiddle about.  Giggling is part of the fun so it is OK to feel embarrassed and shy. It is OK to be clumsy and not get it right every time. The most important thing is that no one feels judged and that both are enjoying the time spent together.

Communication is the key to have fun and enjoy play time with each other in an environment free of judgements, fear, shame and guilt.  You can create your own space of being truly yourselves with each other and enjoy every inch of each other’s body and company.  It is important to take care of each other, be safe and have a great time.

In the final blog in this series I will explain practical ways of communicating effectively.


– Matthew Bartolo is a counsellor specialising in Sex & Relationships.  He offers counselling to both individuals and couples, and runs the sex education services within Willingness.  He can be contacted on