When we think of sex, a lot of people think about orgasms. In order to have good sex, there needs to be penetration and both partners need to orgasm. But the truth is that a great orgasm doesn’t mean great sex, it’s the great sex that leads to a great orgasm.
I have a lot of couples who come to therapy thinking that they do not have what they consider to be good sex with their partners. They say that they cannot make their partner orgasm. What we tend to do here is to make the couple aware that good sex involves a lot more than the actual penetration and orgasm. What about all the pleasure in between? I read once someone describing sex as a meal, and that the orgasm is just the dessert at the end. Sometimes you have dessert and sometimes you don’t, but if you go to a good restaurant you surely are going to enjoy the appetizer and main course! That’s why you went there in the first place!
So at times it is important to say, relax, take it easy, take the pressure off thinking about how to make your partner reach orgasm, and enjoy the foreplay and all the pleasures in between. You don’t always need to eat that dessert!
Dana Scicluna Azar is a relationship and sex advisor at willingness. She offers therapy to both individuals and couples. She can be contacted on firstname.lastname@example.org. You can visit her profile on: https://willingness.com.mt/team/dana-azar-scicluna/