I Feel So Lonely

Loneliness can be understood as a deep craving for connection with something beyond ourselves in meaningful and human ways. Moreover, this experience suggests loneliness isn’t only about others, but also reflects our ability to feel at peace within ourselves. Consequently, this perspective allows us to explore loneliness more deeply, recognizing its complexity and how it shapes our emotional and relational experiences.

Feeling Alone and Disconnected: The Nature of Human Connection

Firstly, human beings are social animals, and we actively seek belonging and meaningful shared experiences with others. Additionally, the biological perspective clearly shows our anatomy is designed to monitor, influence, and engage in social interactions. Furthermore, our prefrontal cortex supports social skills and helps us navigate complex and dynamic interactions with others daily. Consequently, evolutionary studies strongly suggest our social tendencies have offered advantages that support survival and strengthen meaningful human connections. Meanwhile, loneliness represents distress arising from a lack of desired social connection, whether we are alone or surrounded by others. Many people find loneliness difficult to admit, which often makes the experience more isolating, overwhelming, and emotionally challenging.

Feeling Alone and Disconnected: Loneliness in a Pandemic World

Loneliness is painful and can disrupt a person’s mental and physical wellbeing across many important areas of life. Moreover, when one is alone, thoughts of worthlessness and emptiness may become overwhelming and emotionally debilitating at times. Consequently, the worldwide pandemic has increased loneliness due to physical distancing and growing fear in the presence of others. This combination of isolation and fear continues to intensify loneliness, affecting individuals across different life situations and contexts.

Your Insight into Loneliness: Why It Exists

John Cacioppo, director of the University of Chicago’s Centre for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, described loneliness as an aversive state signaling need for change. Moreover, he explained that loneliness functions like hunger, thirst, or physical pain, motivating us to renew connections essential for survival, wellbeing, and meaningful human relationships. Consequently, this perspective helps us understand loneliness not simply as suffering, but as a signal encouraging reconnection, growth, and the restoration of important social bonds.

Judging Ourselves Less: Building Genuine Connections

Loneliness is tied not only to the number of close relationships we have, but also their overall quality, depth, and authenticity. Additionally, relationships that lack authenticity prevent individuals from expressing their genuine selves and forming meaningful, deeper, and emotionally safe connections with others. Furthermore, when we hide parts of ourselves, we limit opportunities for real connection, emotional understanding, mutual openness, and trust within relationships. Consequently, there are many ways we mask authenticity, which can lead us to bypass forming truly meaningful, honest, and emotionally fulfilling connections. Ultimately, recognizing these patterns can help us become more aware of how we relate to others, ourselves, and our emotional needs daily.

Feeling Alone and Disconnected: How We Perceive Rejection

Firstly, if we experience loneliness frequently, we may develop a negativity bias, perceiving signs of possible rejection more quickly than necessary in social interactions. Moreover, this heightened sensitivity can influence how we interpret others’ behaviors, often leading us to expect rejection or disconnection even when it is not present. This pattern can reinforce feelings of loneliness, as our perceptions shape our responses and make forming genuine, trusting connections more difficult over time.

Empowering Change: Steps to Overcome Loneliness

Overcoming loneliness begins with developing self-awareness, allowing us to better understand our emotional needs and how we relate to others around us. Moreover, engaging in self-care practices supports our wellbeing, helping us build a stronger, more compassionate relationship with ourselves during difficult and emotionally challenging periods. Consequently, the following suggestions may be helpful over time, enabling us to reduce loneliness and create more meaningful, fulfilling relationships in our daily lives:

1. Being alone and paying attention to yourself can lead you to where to invest your energy in order to nourish yourself. What are you interested in? Sports, dance, music, board games, or food? Whatever it is, you can find a community of people to either engage or share that activity with in different ways. The internet is a goldmine for these purposes.
   
2. Exercising and being properly nourished by your diet are essential. Your body is a part of yourself in need of attention and care.
   
3. Nature heals and you know it. Take the time to visit natural areas and to be present there. Feel the crunch beneath your feet and taste that sweet breeze. Pay attention to yourself in your surroundings.
   
4. Therapy may offer the beginning of a gradual and sometimes strange process of getting to know the different and beautiful parts of one’s self, as well as the distressed parts which are preventing the possibility of making meaningful connections with others.

Final Thoughts on Feeling Alone and Disconnected

To finish off here, my message is to encourage you to reach out for help if loneliness begins to cause distress. Moreover, seeking support through therapy can help you understand yourself more deeply, compassionately, and with greater emotional awareness. This process allows you to connect with yourself more lovingly, embrace your complexity, and build more meaningful relationships over time.

Written by Amber Tabone

Amber Tabone practices Gestalt Psychotherapy with individuals and couples at Willingness, currently reading for a Master’s in Psychotherapy. She’s developed an interest in working with relationships, gender, and sexuality. This is due to her experience with families and domestic violence issues.

References

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Latson, J. (2018, 3 7). Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201803/cure-disconnection

McCartney, M. (2020, 08 22). Pandemics past and dystopian futures. The Art of Medicine. Retrieved 08 23, 2020, from https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)31716-5/fulltext

McGlynn, T. P. (2010). How Does Social Behavior Evolve? Retrieved 8 23, 2020, from Nature Education Knowledge: https://www.nature.com/scitable/knowledge/library/how-does-social-behavior-evolve-13260245/