Feelings of shame and guilt are quite common when it comes to self-pleasuring activities. Especially for women, they experience quite a lot of discomfort around masturbation which could be due to various reasons. For some women, it stems from lack of awareness, since growing up not a lot of conversations were made around self-pleasure. Furthermore, for many women, they have heard or been told that masturbation is something bad, sinful and to be avoided. 

Since female masturbation is misconceived frequently, it can become difficult for women to know if their self-pleasure desires are normal nor not.

A change in mindset – At times just reframing our thoughts can bring large changes. Once you are able to see masturbation as an act of self-love and self-care, gradually the feelings of shame will not remain anymore, since there is no shame attached with caring for your body. Questioning the shame around it is another helpful step in removing the shame linked with it. 

As easy as it sounds, loving the body is one of the most challenging things women face throughout their life. Self-exploration can be the initial step towards self-love. Adding self-pleasure to your self-care routine is where you can start from and also noting how it makes you feel. 

Explore your body – There are other parts of the body that can also be explored, especially if you are still trying to overcome guilt around masturbating. For example, giving yourself a body massage with oils or lotion, leaving them on your erogenous zones and trying different stimulating pressure points to see what pleasures your mind and body. 

Personal intimacy is alright – Don’t shy away from familiarizing yourself with your personal anatomy. In order to achieve pleasure, it’s important to understand the anatomy and know which areas to stimulate. Using a mirror or drawing the parts can be quite helpful in this case.

Understand your preferences – There are often times that certain situation or positions make us feel comfortable the most. This is why it is important to know your preferences. And whatever they are, it might be helpful to experience and explore those whilst overcoming feelings of guilt and shame.

It’s important to acknowledge that a lot of the times it’s the negative thoughts surrounding self pleasure that make it difficult for women to take that first step. Which is why it is important to read and find out more information about it, which can essentially be helpful in forming a much realistic opinion and will help lose the discomfort surrounding it.

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Mahnoor Nadeem is a student of Masters in Clinical and Health Psychology in Lithuania and a Trainee Psychologist at Willingness. She enjoys working with children and adolescents and also exploring topics such as health psychology, family therapy and sexual health.


 Mintz, L. (2018). Masturbation 101: Letting Go of Guilt. Retrieved from : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201805/masturbation-101-letting-go-guilt

Reader’s Digest. (2021). Masturbation shame: How to stop feeling guilty – Reader’s Digest. Retrieved from : https://www.readersdigest.co.uk/inspire/life/masturbation-shame-how-to-stop-feeling-guilty