The longer and the more intense the relationship, the more there is to process regarding your experience and feelings surrounding it, and its ending.
A Breakup is A Loss
A breakup at the end of the day is also a loss that comes with its own stages of grief. Although this may vary from one individual to the next, it can include denial of the relationship having ended, anger, frustration, and defensiveness, followed by a sense of overwhelming sadness when the breakup sinks in. With time and reflection, this can then eventually turn into acceptance, although this is often not a linear process. Repressing or ignoring your feelings may backfire as they could emerge later or turn into unhealthy coping mechanisms.
There is a lot to be learnt from heartbreak, no matter the situation. Reflecting on the relationship and how it ended can give important insights into what you wish for in a partner and what does not work for you in a relationship. This can give you valuable guidance on which partner to choose in the future based on this experience.
A Lesson in Reflection
On the other hand, it is also a good time to think about what part you might have played regarding what went wrong in the relationship. This can be done by identifying and taking responsibility for any personal problematic behaviours, as this can help you grow as an individual and build stronger relationships in the future.
A Lesson in Self Exploration
When you are in a relationship, a significant amount of your focus and attention is naturally on another person. Therefore, having some time alone after a breakup can be a great opportunity to prioritise yourself, and explore hobbies and activities which you enjoy and that you hadn’t kept up with during your relationship.
Spending quality time with yourself can teach you new things about who you are as a person as well as your passions and interests. This can, in turn, give you a confidence boost as you nurture your relationship with yourself, which in the end is the most important relationship of all.
A Lesson in Connecting With Others
Aside from this, not being in a relationship means there is more time available to devote to the other important people in your life. This can include friends and family that you might have had less opportunity to connect with while in a relationship. Surrounding yourself with a circle of people who love and support you can help you navigate the highs and lows of getting through a breakup.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Lisa Scalpello is a trainee professional offering therapy sessions to clients who are experiencing struggles in different areas of life such as work, studies or relationships, that put a strain on mental health. She is trained in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
References:
Kamp Dush CM, Amato P. Consequences of relationship status and quality for subjective well-being. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2005;22:607–628.
Braithwaite SR, Delevi R, Fincham FD. Romantic relationships and the physical and mental health of college students. Personal Relationships. 2010;17:1–12.