Some parents complain that sex life after having kids changes. They might feel too exhausted after a day of juggling work and family commitments to have sex. Yet when the children grow up and there is more time to be intimate, sex life returns to what it was, no?

Research suggests that parents having the least sex are the ones whose children are teenagers, followed by those with children aged between 5 and 12. Clearly, these parents are not suffering from sleep exhaustion usually experienced when having a new-born.

So how can parents re-ignite the fire?

Plan regular date nights: Get a baby sitter, or leave the kids for an overnight stay with family members so that you can prepare and go out for a nice meal with your partner, were conversation will not be peppered with ‘mummy please iron my shirt’ or ‘daddy come play with me!!’
Talk about your needs: It’s important to talk about each other’s sexual needs and plan to be intimate when you’re not very tired. At times simply changing the time of day can be of help, or cuddling on the sofa after the kids are in bed.

Be considerate: Being kind and sensitive to what’s going on in your partner’s life can improve not just your sex life but strengthen the relationship in general.

And remember our partner was our first love and we were a couple before becoming parents…

– Anna Catania is a counsellor with Willingness. She has had a special interest in working with clients facing intimacy and sexual difficulties and runs a service for families going through cancer and chronic illness. She can be contacted on