On being taken for granted…

On being taken for granted…
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We use this concept and portray it in a negative light, perhaps for good reasons, despite the fact that it’s inception stems from a very positive notion. When someone takes their partner for granted, it means that the individual trusts and feels safe enough the partner enough not to worry consistently about the partner. When one of the partners takes the other for granted, this allows the partner to devote one’s efforts onto other things which take priority over the relationship such as; career, education, finances, and hobbies amongst others.

 

The issue is this – if any of the partners engage in this type of behaviour then it may become an issue for one of the partners, in that they might be feeling that their love is not being reciprocated. The partner is left with a feeling of disequilibrium in which one of the partners is devoting more to the relationship than the other. The feelings attached to this experience may involve feelings of; exploitation, betrayal and feeling used. The partner/s may feel this due to the fact that this goes against their initial expectations which were created during the inception of the relationship.

 

What emerges is that the partner who takes their partner for granted is gaining from the comfort of the relationship at this stage, without having to input much back into the relationship. Whilst the other partner is seeking to be nurtured from the relationship, however this is not being communicated to the other partner. Unfortunately if this issue is not worked upon when this issue initially arises, it tends to lead the relationship down a slippery slope. In which the damage and the betrayal experienced in the relationship may too much for anything to be done in terms of reconciliation.

 

Therefore I would like to present some points to keep in mind for both the individuals taking someone for granted and for individuals who are being taken for granted.

 

Partner being taken for granted

 

  • Speak about your feelings especially if you feel like things have changed.
  • It’s not okay for you to nurturing someone who isn’t providing the same experience back.
  • Try to say no to your partner from time to time
  • Define your boundaries – explain what is okay and what is not okay to your partner

 

Partner taking one’s partner for granted

 

  • If your partner mentions that they are feeling taken for granted take it seriously, your comfort might soon be in peril.
  • People are not objects. Some may think that they can take their relationship for granted when things are going well however it is a very delicate balance which can take quick turns at any given point. Let me use an analogy to explain this; imagine having a plant which you are really proud of as you have been taking care of it watering it, giving it it’s nutrients and appropriate amount of sunlight. But what if you stop giving it what it needs? What will happen to the plant?

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