“What are we searching for in a relationship?” This question may have passed through your head whilst you were thinking about your relationship. “What do we want? How can we be happy? How can we reach this happily ever after?” Well, if you are here to find answers to these, I am sorry to disappoint you, but we are also still searching for the answer.
What are you searching for?
Fortunately, we have a glimpse of what you may be searching for; it is one of the things that may help you in answering these questions: stability and security in the relationship. Few have achieved it, so it is doable, and like everything else in life, it grows with practice and time. Secure relationships have higher levels of comfort and understanding; it has this space that can contain both parties, to provide a place to negotiate and express differences.
Don’t confuse one part with the whole
In unstable relations, where both parties only focus on the last interaction that they had, any dissatisfaction or frustration or any disagreement or argument is perceived as if it is the whole relationship. You think about the relationship as if these arguments were there since the start and never faded; that those feelings of insecurity or anxiety will never be resolved. We get stuck in our heads and focus on the current state of the relationship. A constant feeling of being judged and the inability to predict the future behavior of your partner can cause an increased level of anxiety and insecurity.
One of the things that can help your relationship reach this state of stability and security is commitment. It is the belief that solutions can be found for each problem; it is the trust you build in your partner that develops one problem after another. Commitment implies cooperation from both parties and focusing on cooperative solutions when conflict arises; not blaming each other or judging the behaviour.
Commitment for Security
Commitment is the security blanket that we have in a relationship; it is the steady ground where our differences and needs are brought up in the relationship with a sense of trust and security that we are here in the relationship together and even if we face an obstacle we are determined to find a unified solution that will help the relationship grow stronger.
Establishing this sense of security and stability in a relationship will help you create a better environment and a healthier one; an environment where both parties nourish each other and help each other; this is a step towards living your happily ever after.
If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.
Ahmed Elsaadani is a psychosexual and relationship therapist offering psychotherapy to indviduals and couples who face problems their sexual life due to psychological impact
or relational problems. He is in training with London diploma for psychosexual and relationship therapy.
Lobel, D. S. (2022). Two Essentials for a Stable and Secure Relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/daniel-s-lobel-phd