When two individuals decide to breakup, there tends to be quite a buildup of negative tension amongst the couple. During this period, there might be feelings of resentment or disappointment towards one another. This might make the couple feel as if almost nothing materialised during their time together irrespective of the length of the relationship. This can leave one or both of the partners with a sense of emptiness, and the perception that they wasted their time together. Most couples would not like this to happen especially after experiencing both the highs and lows of a relationship. The issue is that more often than not individuals are often ill equipped to deal with such a situation.
Despite the negative feelings amongst the couple, I would invite both parties to write a letter each about one another. The couple can then sit in front of each other and read out these letters to one another. Within this letter the couple can process their good experiences together, what they will miss about one another, and their hopes for one another for the future. This can ease the pain of this experience as amidst the myriad of emotions which the individuals will experience, the couple can easily forget that during a point in time they meant the world to each other.
Some might doubt the impact of a letter, however when both individuals disclose to each other that they did mean something to each other and focus on their strengths as individual’s facilitates the breakup process. This facilitates the process of moving on with dignity and insight into the situation. This would help both individuals in understanding their mistakes whilst also helping them foster better relationships with others due to this new level of insight.
Karl Grech is a counsellor. He offers counselling to both individuals and couples within Willingness. He can be contacted on firstname.lastname@example.org.