Whether it is due to poor work-life balance, kids, or general struggles in life, more and more people are concerned about the frequency of their sexual activities nowadays. It is easy to conclude that one or both parties within a relationship have sexual desire problems, but that is not always the case.

Although sexual desire problems or sexual desire discrepancy between partners can cause a couple to have less sex than before, another common reason is just being too busy – simple as that. People may have jobs and families that take up a lot of their time, or they may have other obligations that make it difficult to find time for sex. Some people simply do not have the energy for sex after a long day.

There are a number of things you can do to keep your sexual relationship healthy, even when times are tough. So, here are some tips to help you keep your sex life healthy and active:

1. Communicate

If you are feeling unhappy that you both do not create time for sex anymore, then talk to your partner about it. You might feel very vulnerable to opening up the conversation or you may worry that you might hurt your partner’s feelings but the more you keep this to yourself, is more likely that you feel resentful toward your partner. Thus, having an open conversation where you can both talk about your worries, expectations and needs is a good start for your wellness and the wellness of your relationship. There are a couple of things to keep in mind when talking to your partner about sex, but don’t worry! It will flow once the conversation starts.

2. Schedule time for sex

If you and your partner are having trouble connecting on a sexual level, consider scheduling time for intimacy. Intimacy does not need to involve sex all the time. To start with, you can focus on sensual activities rather than sex. This also does not mean that intimacy and sex have to be a chore, but it will help you make sure that you and your partner are both getting enough time for each other. It may sound unromantic at first, but it can actually help improve your sex life. By setting aside specific times, you can make sure that you and your partner are both on the same page and that you are both getting what you need. You may find that this helps to rekindle the spark in your relationship.

3. Find new ways to be intimate

When it comes to sex and intimacy, it is normal to feel like you have got into a routine that no longer meets your sexual needs especially if you are in a long-term relationship. That is why experimenting and finding new ways to be intimate with your partner might be a good way to spark up the excitement. This could involve trying out new positions, experimenting with different forms of foreplay, or even trying new places to have sex. Remember that making changes can take time and even very small changes can make a difference in your sex life.

It can be difficult to keep up a healthy sexual relationship when you are feeling stressed out, tired or just plain bored. However, it is important to make an effort to do so, as a healthy sexual relationship can be beneficial for both partners. If you are still struggling to keep up healthy sex life and it is affecting your relationship, talk to a professional. They may be able to offer you further advice and support.

If you think that you can benefit from professional support on this issue you can reach out here.

Seray Soyman is working as a Trainee Psychosexologist within the Willingness team, providing psychosexual education and sexual support sessions, as well as delivering training and workshops. She is also pursuing her master’s in Clinical Psychosociology at Sapienza University, Rome. Seray’s research interests are sex-positive behaviour, sexual habits, LGBTQIA+ studies, and sexual communication.


Herbenick, D., Mullinax, M., & Mark, K. (2014). Sexual desire discrepancy as a feature, not a bug, of long‐term relationships: Women’s self‐reported strategies for modulating sexual desire. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 11(9), 2196-2206.

Leavitt, K., Barnes, C. M., Watkins, T., & Wagner, D. T. (2019). From the bedroom to the office: Workplace spillover effects of sexual activity at home. Journal of Management, 45(3), 1173-1192.

MacNeil, S., & Byers, E. S. (2009). Role of sexual self-disclosure in the sexual satisfaction of long-term heterosexual couples. Journal of Sex Research, 46(1), 3-14.

Marin, K., Tobia, G., Bakhoum, A., Naghdechi, L., Korouri, S., & IsHak, W. W. (2020). Sex, Intimacy, and Well-Being. In IsHak, W. W. (Ed.), The Handbook of Wellness Medicine (pp. 332-343). Cambridge University Press.
Rehman, U. S., Rellini, A. H., & Fallis, E. (2011). The importance of sexual self‐disclosure to sexual satisfaction and functioning in committed relationships. The journal of sexual medicine, 8(11), 3108-3115.